Wonderin' ...

     Howdy, y’all … it’s been awhile since my mini-man madness has kicked-in and I posted a good rant.  I try and stay out of the world of “Bigfootery” and the trappin’s of callin’ folks out.  I'd much rather be known as the Oldsloughstalker and not some Web-trollin' trash-talker, even though I can talk some smack with the best of 'em.  I also believe in Karma … and what comes around, goes around, so I try not to intentionally stir the pot.  But I was just wonderin’ … when in the Hell did “Bigfoot” get tangled-up with UFOs or the paranormal?  Now, don’t y'all go hittin' the Back button; nobody get excited, 'cause I ain't tryin' to get anyone's panties in a knot.  What my quandary is ... is that, here we all are, just tryin’ to figure-out exactly what this mystery animal is (and yes, it’s a flesh & blood animal) and yet ... I keep readin’ these accounts about folks who are seein’ mysterious balls of light, floatin' and glowin' orbs or “Bigfoot” gettin’ beamed-down from a UFO!  And then ... there's the shape-shifters and spirit people.  Really?  Well, I’ll be the first to tell ya, I done me a bunch of dang partyin’ thirty some-odd years ago in my art school days.  But in the sorriest of conditions … I ain’t never seen or imagined that I seen anything like that!  Now, I ain’t sayin’ that someone else didn’t see these things … but it kinda makes me wonder what state of mind they was in when they seen ‘em.

 

     For example … a good friend of mine Todd and I were doin' some night fishin’ off the South Jetty of Galveston several years back, and we seen a UFO.  That’s right; I said it ... ‘cause, we seen it!  We had launched the afternoon before, and it was now somewhere ‘round 2:30 A.M. … and in that time-frame, we’d both knocked back (quite) a few beers … as in at least a 12-pack each!  But keep in mind ... ‘specially if the game warden is readin’ this … that we was anchored and didn’t plan on goin’ anywheres ‘til we slept it off.  I was lookin’ up at all the stars and appreciatin’ how absolutely beautiful it was out there, when all of the sudden … I seen it!  It was a very bright point of light, movin’ across the sky from the eastern horizon ... arcin' up and across to the west.  This thing was faster than any aircraft I'd ever seen, but not quite as fast as a shootin’ star ...

 

     I immediately yelled at Todd, “Holy, sh¡t dude … check this out … it’s a friggin’ UFO!”  And Todd replied, “You stupid-ass, there ain’t no such …” as he just about face-planted into the gel-cote ... trippin’ as he saw it too.  He  was prob’ly wonderin' what-all else I'd had to drink until he stumbled from the bow and followed my index finger as I pointed.  Even though it was a dead-calm night, we both just swayed in awe at what the Hell we just saw (three steps forward, two steps back, y’all).  After soberin'-up later that afternoon, I had a hunch that it may have been a satellite or possibly even the space station in orbit. I had called KHOU’s (then) Chief Meteorologist Dr. Neil Frank and told him what we had witnessed.  As matter-of-factly as he could, Dr. Neil excitedly explained to me that what we had seen was actually the space shuttle as it had passed.  Cool!  Man ... that dang-thang could really haul-ass!  But the point I'm makin' here is, until Todd & I were enlightened ... to us, it had been a genuine UFO.  At the time, it was unidentified, it was definitely flyin’ and was obviously an object.  This-here is just a prime example of why I don’t like tellin’ somebody else what they did or did not see.

     Now, when my son and I had Our Encounter with a bipedal, unknown animal in the back of Smith’s Slough … we both knew what we saw.  We didn't know what kind of animal it was, but we knew what it wasn't.  And no, I wasn’t drinkin’ … and yes, I had a witness.  We'd been told by several people ... includin' the game warden, that it was plainly a misidentification.  But contrary to popular belief … it’s kinda hard to miss-identify somethin’ with brownish-gray hair walkin’ on two legs through a slough at 6:30-somethin' in the friggin’ mornin’!  So, did most people say we just saw somethin’ and thought it was somethin’ else … yep.  Did family & friends think I was crazy? Yep-yep!  But, did we ever see any glowin’ orbs or balls of light?  Nope.  Flyin’ Saucers?  Nope.  And did this critter shape-shift into somethin’ else or vanish into thin air?  Not no, but Hell no!  It was a real animal ... walkin’ bipedally through the flooded forest and makin’ a wake.  And the only shiftin’ this critter was doin' was to shift its weight from one foot to the other as it walked off into the thicket.  It vanished alright; as in, it gradually disappeared into the thick, flooded forest while walkin’ on two feet ...


     When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would report only the facts as far as my sloughstalkin' goes, and stay out of the world of "Bigfootery".  Even though I try to keep things humorous, I promised myself that  I would keep it real.  I don't ever wanna be an ass-clown and post a picture of a bear's butt and try to pass it off as a wood ape.  So when I read some of these bat-sh¡t crazy stories on that-there internet or make the mistake of orderin’ the wrong friggin’ book on Amazon Prime … it pretty-much well p¡sses me off!  But at the same time, it keeps me wonderin’ … why in the Hell would someone wanna add a twist to somethin’ that’s already a mystery?  In all my years of sloughstalkin’ and bein’ out in them woods, I've seen some bizarre thangs ... but I ain't never come across no shape-shifters or spirit people.  Some campin' hippies trippin' on hallucinogenics, maybe; but, no balls of light ... no floatin' orbs and no flyin' saucers.  Period.

      And speakin' of the paranormal ... I have recently gone through a personal “exorcism” of sorts; I’ve tried to rid myself of any “Bigfoot” related books or documentaries that have any hint of “paranormal activity”.  I may be different, but I ain't crazy.  Yeah, I may wear a camo Waffle House cap, but just 'cause I ain’t never seen any camouflaged tin-foil on the shelves at my local grocer … don't mean that I ever plan on wearin’ any on my friggin’ head!  Yes ... I'm livin' proof that God has a sense of humor.  But besides the Lord, the only "spirit" I’d ever sensed out there in them woods was on one brisk October day while bowhuntin’ in the Sam Houston National Forest.  After I’d harvested the first deer with my traditional take-down recurve bow … I felt that maybe the spirit of Fred Bear was smilin’ down on me that day.

 

     We do see and hear a buncha strange things out there in them woods; most all of which can easily be identified.  Most nocturnal critters rustlin' in the brush at night are just coons, rootin' hogs or armadillos.  A distant cry is usually just a fox, coyote or barred owl.  And that deep, loud bellowin' roar echoin' through the swamp is usually comin' from a large bull gator.  But somethin' large, brownish-gray & hairy waltzin' through the slough remains a mystery ... for now.  What we'd seen out there in them woods would really blow your mind, especially if you were a seasoned outdoorsman and hadn't ever seen an animal like that before.  Nothin' paranormal about it; that's truly the kind of stuff that keeps me wonderin' ...