Exploitin' ...

     Howdy!  What's up with all of these new "Bigfoot" and cryptozoology themed shows?  Have the networks lost their friggin' minds? This post has been a long time comin' and I feel that I'm long overdue for postin' a good rant.  My ADD and mini-man madness has kicked-in, so put yer pads on, in or whatever ... 'cause here it comes!  What in the Hell is goin' on with documentaries, and namely ... what I can only describe as "Surreality TV"?  As if cryptozoology wasn't already considered fringe science, it seems that its reputation has gone off the deep end due to extreme exploitin' by a few cable television networks.  For example, what used to be considered a channel that featured awesome science & nature documentaries has stooped in attempts to get its audience duped; as in, to watchin' somethin' that is a blatant friggin' dramatization of misinformation.  And not just once ... but twice!  The sad thing was, that durin' both of these "megalo-maid" broadcast fiascos ... ratings were goin' through the friggin' roof.  So, what does that say about us?  Even though we didn't really discover anything, it says a lot about what's drivin' the science of documentaries these days.



The late Robert Guenette was one of the first

documentary directors to introduce newsreel-
styled documentaries in the 60’s, and directed
the unforgettable National Geographic Specials
TV series.  In 1975 he wrote and directed The

Mysterious Monsters narrated by Peter Graves,

which was the first movie to feature the historic

Roger Patterson footage of a “Bigfoot”.  I had the

privilege of viewin’ this flic back in the day as a

teenager at the old Martini Theatre in Galveston,

Texas.  Incidentally, I had also come across and

purchased his book by the same title a year later.

     Another network, which used to be my go-to channel for animal documentaries has been lookin' for "Bigfoot" for the past few years.  I'm sorry, but does anyone think that they are actually goin' to find anything at the end of one of those shows?  Not no, but Hell no!  I sincerely apologize to some of the cast members, but I calls 'em likes I sees 'em.  Yeah, that's right; I said it ... 'cause if anyone had actually ever found anything, it would have been national-friggin'-news long before anyone would have time to film a dang TV show!  The sad part about this kinda crap is that it hurts the integrity of anyone doin' serious field research on these mystery animals.  Thanks to programs like this, just try gettin' permission to access private properties or sendin' in an unknown blood, hair or tissue sample to a lab for analysis.  Good luck; 'cause unless you got the jack, there ain't goin' to be no hearin' back from most landowners or reputable facilities.  The whack-factor is closin' doors just about as fast as it's closin' minds ...

     And now, some of these offshoot networks are really friggin' reachin' with these groups of larger-than-life wannabes who are huntin' animals that are so ridiculous that one has to wonder what the producers were on when they came-up with this crap.  Your destination ... America, is a repetitive ride through the lower intestines of television.  First of all, please God tell me that none of these idiot's weapons are actually loaded!  I seriously doubt it, 'cause they'd have a hard time gettin' these productions insured.  Normally, this channel airs some fairly decent outdoor shows; however, the ones that I'm referrin' to here ain't anywhere near legit.  Second, I'll admit that I'm fat, but some of these corn-fed chunks have abso-friggin'-lutely no business runnin' around gettin' overly excited in a dangerous environment.  Bottom line is, somebody's goin' to get friggin' hurt.  Period.  God forbid, if anyone has to haul one of these porkers outta the woods to get some medical attention, they might think twice before castin' such portly characters!  And third, not all of us southerners are stereotypes, and I'm sure that most Alaskans ain't runnin' around in animal skins either.  I think the premise for the majority of these lame-ass shows is, the need for a serious friggin' intervention!

     What happened to the days of true documentaries?  Someone would do a study and broadcast their findings, showing the actual field research and the science behind the find.  I pray that when a wood ape is (finally) properly and scientifically documented, that this animal and subject matter is treated with some dignity.   No overly dramatic musical score scripted with the narrator misrepresentin' the folks that actually did their time in the grime!  I'd like everyone to understand that cryptozoology is simply the study of legendary or undiscovered animals in order to evaluate the possibility or proof of their existence.  In light of what folks are viewin' now, the perception is that we are a bunch of friggin' goofs runnin' around at night in the woods ... screamin' and bangin' on trees.  So, stop with all the exploitin' already; I'm sure that the majority of these network's audiences would much rather view the science and actually learn somethin' for their 47-minutes of television viewin' ...

 

     Let's take a look back at a another of the classics.  What gave me an interest to see The Mysterious Monsters was the release of an earlier documentary-styled film, Big Foot: Man or Beast that I'd seen in 1972.  Bein' only 10 years-old at the time, I never fully appreciated what-all this historical film documentation had to offer until I recently found it on DVD.  If I'm not mistaken, I saw this at the old Martini Theatre as well, prior to seein' The Legend of Boggy Creek.  I had no more interest or appreciation for this genre of film back then than I did for any others at that time; I just liked 'em!  But after havin' our own encounter, I now view these screen gems in an entirely new light.  I think that the new guard needs to take a good hard look at some of these older films, and maybe they wouldn't have to reach so far to try and produce a quality program ... right?  I think that's a wrap.  Y'all come back now, you hear?