Spendin’ …

Livin' large yakkin' the Ozarks last September ...

     Howdy y’all!  It sure was a busy year for me, and an expensive one at that!  I just got finished tallyin’-up all the road-trips I went on and realized how much I’d been spendin’!  Good Lord, for just the cost of my fuel alone, I was really thankful that gas prices were down.  I’ve been to Caddo Lake & back … twice … pullin’ a boat for a total of 1,100 miles; to the Ouachita Mountains and back … twice … for a total of 1,700 miles; and then went to the Ozarks and back for another 1,500 miles; and finally, to the Bowman Lodge for the NAWAC’s Annual Retreat for another 975 mile round-trip.  That comes to a total of 5,275 miles since May, which means spendin’ a minimum of 90 hours of time just drivin’ my truck.  Now, if I averaged about 15 miles per gallon, it means I must’ve been spent about $900 in fuel on just these 5 road-trips alone; and, that don’t even include all the extra crap I bought runnin’ in and outta gas stations!

     For example, here in Texas we got these huge super-stations named Buc-ee’s.  If you’ve ever passed one you’d definitely know, ‘cause everybody goes and their parkin’ lot is always full.  Goin’ in and outta one of these places is kinda like wanderin’ around a friggin’ “Y’all-Mart”.  Hell, all you need is a beverage or a bag of ice; but then, maybe a snack … or maybe some new road music, or, hmmm … maybe I’ll even get me one of them-there Yeti cups everyone’s been braggin’ about.  Before you know it, you end-up spendin’ almost $90.00, and that didn’t even include any friggin’ gas!  How in the Hell did that happen?  I don’t know, but I’d bought $75.00 worth of crap at that exact same Buc-ee’s the trip before!  I seem to remember that included more Texas road music CD’s and some t-shirts for my kids.  And then, there’s the Buc-ee’s Beaver Nuggets … OH, MY GOD!  My inner fat-kid is kept at bay unless it comes to Beaver Nuggets.  And if I really wanna binge, I’ll mix ‘em with a bag of Crunchy Cheetos.  Hey, don’t knock-it ‘til you try it, ‘cause it’s damn-near as good as a Lone Star Beer poured over a couple of scoops of Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream in a tall frosty mug!  The downfall of mixin’ Beaver Nuggets & Crunchy Cheetos (besides all the friggin’ calories) is gettin’ a mess of sticky nugget-shards and artificial cheese-dust on the black upholstery of my truck!  About the time that my sugar-high counter-balances the carb-crash is about the time I start to wonder, “Hmmm … I thought I’d just vacuumed them dang seats?”

     And then there’s road food.  I usually try to stick with somethin’ simple that I can eat while drivin’, such as a Whataburger with cheese & jalapenos.  This always seems to end-up drippin’ mustard down the front of my shirt or, of course, on my dang seats!  On this last trip to Oklahoma, I stopped at this place called Bigfoot’s Barbeque.  It was this ‘lil shack on the side of the road which had at least three big-rigs parked out front … so I figured the food just had to be good.  I walk in, and there’s this 7’ Chewbacca-lookin’ “Bigfoot” prop standin’ just past the entrance, and the TV was blarin’ on H2 with Giorgio Tsoukalos spoutin’-off about everything bein’ friggin’ “alien”.  So me bein’ the other weird Greek with effed-up hair, I sorta felt right at home … sat-right down and ordered me a full-rack of pork ribs with an ice-cold beer!  Actually, I wasn’t disappointed; that is … until I went to the men’s room to try and wash my hands.  The sink had tape across it, with a crude hand-written sign on the mirror that said, “Please use the sink in the Ladies Room” … and yes, I knocked first.  To my disappointment though, that sink looked backed-up as well.  As I paid, I reported this to the woman at the register, who quite frankly replied, “Yeah, I just saw that; but it kinda looked to me like someone had just gotten sick.”  I sh¡t you not, I won’t be goin’ back to that friggin’ place, no matter how good them dang ribs were!

Loggin' miles after my White River trip!

     Seriously, I estimated spendin’ at least another $100 per round-trip on food & drink while travelin’ … but that ain’t countin’ all the stuff you have to buy to eat while yer actually at yer destination!  I try to pre-cook the majority of all my meals a few days before and then freeze ‘em.  Blasphemy, you say?  Yeah, I like to grill-out myself, but there’s a big difference between grillin’ while chillin’ at Caddo Lake than there is while tryin’ to hunt in Area X.  Out there, your need to sustain is usually immediate, and then it’s back to business; I’d rather heat & eat than spend valuable time preppin’ & cookin’.  On top of that, it’s kinda hard to observe or watch yer dang back if you have to concentrate on cookin’.  I guesstimate I spent just under $150 on food for each week that I had spent in Area X … includin’ all the ice, water, coffee and Gatorade.  But then, there are your essentials, such as propane, batteries and back-up batteries for fans, flash-lights, etc., bug repellent, toiletries & hygiene products, specialty ammunition, clothes & gear.  If I added it all up here, I might as well start diggin’ a friggin’ hole, ‘cause my beautiful bride reads this blog as well, even though she won’t admit it …

     In retrospect, it’s been an expensive year for me so far … so I may wanna watch my spendin’.  That is, unless it’s spendin’ more quality time with my wife, our family or friends as opposed to spendin’ any more of our hard-earned money road-trippin’.  It is pretty-dang expensive doin’ all the things I do … and my beautiful bride has told me on numerous occasions that I am an expensive habit!  I really do love that woman, but the final nail in my coffin will most probably be the new Cabela’s that’s been built less than 5 miles from our place.  I just cain’t imagine what-all sorts of new stuff I might possibly find in there; however, I am sure of one thing … and that is that any future visits there will most definitely be supervised.  Come to think about it, I’d simply be better off usin’ all the friggin’ gear I’ve already got  … and concentratin’ on spendin’ more time on some local waters or somewhere out there in them closer woods.  Hmmm … both The Sam Houston National Forest as well as The Big Thicket are not that far of a drive, and both are rumored to possibly harbor wood apes.  Truth.  Right?  As a matter of fact, David "Big Sexy" Riojas and I are fixin' to head out shortly.  No tellin' what-all has been flushed outta them bottoms with all this dang rain.  Hopefully, I'll be able to report back shortly; but 'til then, y'all have a Happy New Year!  Be safe, take care … and y’all come back now, ya hear?