Trippin' ...

    Hi, y’all … the family and I had to head to “the motherland” for a weddin’ in Jigger, Louisiana this past weekend.  Say, what?  Y’all ain’t never heard of Jigger?  Well, Jigger is just outside of Fort Necessity.   C’mon … really?  Y’all ain’t never heard of Fort Necessity?  It’s just a ways southeast of Monroe near the Boeuf Wildlife Management Area.  We were actually just off of Turkey Creek, which was fittin’ … ‘cause a few of us was hittin’ on a bottle of Turkey after that-there weddin’!  Our families worked like dawgs to get everything done, and thank God the weather held ‘til after the festivities were over.  Everyone kept in check, but the only wild things that we couldn’t control were the skeeters.  When you’re out partyin’ in the country with them Louisiana skeeters … you might be a guest, but you’re always a host.

"Mullet gets a ticket" ... notice the trooper's license plate!
My girlfriend (who is now my wife) took this in 1988 ...

     The trip up there started on a Friday afternoon, so thank God we got outta Houston ‘fore rush hour started.  I abso-friggin’-lutely detest drivin’ on I-10 … period.  Even though I tend to have a heavier right foot, folks was passin’ me like I was peddlin’ a dang bicycle!  Once we exited I-10 to 165 North, the drive was a less stressful, but then I had to watch my speed.  Them Louisiana cops love stoppin’ folks with Texas plates, especially when you get near the sprawlin’ “hamlet” of Woodworth.  That place was once designated as the speed-trap capitol, and I started havin’ flashbacks of the last three tickets that I’d accrued there.   I set the cruise control a hair below the speed limit ‘cause I’d figured that Rapides Parish already had enough of my family’s money.  I was still doin’ below the speed limit just outside of Columbia (thank God) when a fox hauled-ass across the road while tryin’ to inspect the underside of my Chevy!  I think that I might’ve squirted a grape tryin’ to avoid runnin’ over it, and my defensive drivin’ skills kinda woke-up my wife and son …

     The return drive was much more relaxin’ ‘cause I took a bunch of them scenic back-roads.  Even though it was rainin’ … I didn’t have to worry about heavy traffic or the congestion of them larger highways.  Once we got outta the Fort Necessity Recreational Area and drove through the Boeuf WMA, I headed south for the El Camino East/West Corridor … which cuts through the Kisatchie National Forest.  My wife asked, “Why are you takin’ us down all these back-roads?  Are you lookin’ for Bigfoot or somethin’?”  I really wanted to answer, “Why, Hell yeah!” but decided to explain to her that the scenic route would be safer due to the weather conditions, as well as bein’ quite therapeutic.  Suspicious of my now apparent ulterior motives … she kept on fiddlin’ with the GPS on her dang smart-phone.  After our Google vs. Bing discussion, she tried her hardest to get me to go this way and that, but I had already planned-out my route a few weeks prior.  I headed south to Natchitoches, and she changed her tune when she started seein’ all the cute little antique stores and bed & breakfasts they had there in old-town.  Now that was the kinda scenery that she was interested in.

      It was rainin’ pretty steadily about the time we got to Toledo Bend State Park, and it didn’t slack-up ‘til we was out of the Sabine National Forest and were headin’ through the Angelina National Forest.  We passed the Martin Dies Jr., State Park, drove past the John H. Kirby State Forest and headed for the Big Thicket National Preserve.  It was at that point that she and my son probably thought that I was trippin’ … especially when I told them we were goin’ to drive down the Ghost Road.  “Ghost Road?  What the Hell is the Ghost Road?” my wife asked.  My son exacerbated the situation by chimin’ in with, “It’s probably got somethin’ to do with Bigfoot!”  Really?  Thanks allot bro!  So I tried to diffuse the situation by relayin’ the story of Bragg Road, otherwise known as the Ghost Road.  I explained to them that this almost perfectly-straight, 8-mile long dirt road has thick trees growin’ real close on both sides which arc overhead, givin’ it the appearance of drivin’ through a heavily-wooded tunnel.  I told them that for years, folks have claimed to see a floatin’ light or glowin’ orb at night while travelin’ down that road.  I further explained that, legend has it that a railroad employee was decapitated in a horrible accident, and his headless body roams Bragg Road at night, carryin’ a lantern lookin’ for his head … if you believe that sort-of stuff.

     Now, wait just a dang minute … seriously?  Whoever come-up with that story must’ve really been trippin’!  Just think about it … how in the Hell is a headless corpse goin’ to “look” for anything?  A headless horseman … maybe; but that’s a different story.  That I could comprehend, ‘cause the horse is doin’ all the dang navigatin’!  Chuckle-chuckle, y’all!  So I elaborated on how the light was probably just swamp gas; but immediately had to stop my son from emittin’ any audible examples.  I told them most likely the ghost lights were just headlights from other vehicles.  I dared-not mention the fact that there’s been a considerable amount of “Bigfoot” sightin’s comin’ from that area, ‘cause I’d never live it down!  We took a short-cut just past Village Mills and continued west onto County Road 1293 at Honey Island.  A couple of miles ahead we noticed a heap of mud in the middle of the road, comin’ off a trail to our left that you could’ve stuck a bulldozer in.  I warned my wife & son that if Bragg Road was in anywhere near that bad of condition, we’d be findin’ us a different route home.  My Chevy has 4WD, but I ain’t nearly as dumb as I look!

 

     In another mile or so headin’ west, we found the north entrance to Bragg Road.  It was straight-up 6:00 p.m., and even though it wouldn’t be dark for another hour and a half, it was quite gloomy due to the overcast sky and the thick trees.  We stopped, took some pictures and read the Hardin County kiosk at the entrance.  We noticed that even though it had rained most of the day, the road actually looked fairly dry and passable.  As we proceeded, we were horrified as to what we saw all around us!  Bragg Road was lined with beer cans, bottles and discarded fast-food cups, bags and containers; the amount of litter along both sides of the road and ditches was inexcusable.  There were even beer cans and bottles stuck on the tips of branches on of some of the trees.  As beautiful as the rest of the scenery may have been, the amount of trash both detracted and distracted our 8-mile excursion.  We noticed that one kiosk had either been shot or somethin’ had been thrown through it, was burned … and was spray-painted or “tagged”.  Really?  I wish that I could catch someone out there taggin’ in them woods.  I’ll guaran-damn-tee y’all that someone would have to be payin’ my bail … ‘cause I’d be teachin’ them taggers physical dangers of “huffin’” that spray-paint right then and there!

     Why in the Hell do people feel the need to litter or destroy our national treasures?  Are they trippin’?  Have they lost their friggin’ minds?  Was there some huge party out there, or some gatherin’ of gonads who didn’t know how to friggin’ act?  Had the Hardin County folks just not made it out there to pick up trash lately?  Or are those Hardin County workers on shut-down?  Well, thanks to the current state of our government (and/or the lack-thereof) or the misappropriation of our tax-payer’s dollars (not) at work … that may very much-well be the case.  Did y’all get all that?  All of this makes me very sad.  Nope, I take that back; I’m not sad … I’m mad as Hell!  I think people that litter or vandalize need a good old-fashioned country ass-whippin’!  If folks get caught litterin’ or vandalizin’… to Hell with makin’ ‘em only pay a friggin’ fine; make ‘em get out there in the Texas heat, trudge through the fire-ants, swat some skeeters and clean that sh¡t up!  Like I said, I’m originally from Louisiana … and over there, we utilize “road crews” or “guests of the state” for stuff like that.  That’s how to put your tax-payer’s dollars to work!  So, how’s that for a rant?  See, I done got all worked-up again; my little-man syndrome has kicked-in to overdrive and my ADD has got me off the dang subject!

     Well, until this point, things on our little road-trip were pretty relaxed.  Bragg Road just ain’t what it used to be; the canopy was severely thinned-out from Hurricane Rita … and then again by Hurricane Ike.  But all that debris in the trees and the trash on both sides of the road weren’t deposited by any storm.  And I’m sure that any mystery bipeds that lurk around out there in them woods ain’t the animals that’s been doin’ all that dang the litterin’!  Our family lives just off of Clear Creek, which runs from the Friendswood/Pearland area all the way to Clear Lake and eventually into Galveston Bay.  Several years back, an old hog-huntin’ buddy of mine organized an annual clean-up on the Creek … and they actually fill entire barges full of debris!  And our neighbor is a restaurateur who caters this event for the locals who show-up in droves to help-out.  Hmmm, maybe that’s what’s needed for Bragg Road.  Hold an annual event startin’ on one end of the road with a caravan of pickups & trailers and have a party for the volunteers on the other end after it’s all said & done.  So I called a couple of offices listed on the Hardin County Web site to see if any such event has ever taken place, but so far … no one has returned my calls.  If someone does get back with me, I’ll definitely let y’all know.

     Out there in them woods, leave only footprints; in a boat, don’t throw-it … stow it.  And, there ain’t s’posed to be nothin’ plastic in leaf-litter!  Our environment ain’t goin’ to clean itself, so do your share to keep Texas wild.  Maybe the next time someone’s out there trippin’ … it ain’t goin’ to be on someone else’s trash.  Y’all come back now, you hear?