Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Spendin’ …

Livin' large yakkin' the Ozarks last September ...
     Howdy y’all!  It sure was a busy year for me, and an expensive one at that!  I just got finished tallyin’-up all the road-trips I went on and realized how much I’d been spendin’!  Good Lord, for just the cost of my fuel alone, I was really thankful that gas prices were down.  I’ve been to Caddo Lake & back … twice … pullin’ a boat for a total of 1,100 miles; to the Ouachita Mountains and back … twice … for a total of 1,700 miles; and then went to the Ozarks and back for another 1,500 miles; and finally, to the Bowman Lodge for the NAWAC’s Annual Retreat for another 975 mile round-trip.  That comes to a total of 5,275 miles since May, which means spendin’ a minimum of 90 hours of time just drivin’ my truck.  Now, if I averaged about 15 miles per gallon, it means I must’ve been spent about $900 in fuel on just these 5 road-trips alone; and, that don’t even include all the extra crap I bought runnin’ in and outta gas stations!

     For example, here in Texas we got these huge super-stations named Buc-ee’s.  If you’ve ever passed one you’d definitely know, ‘cause everybody goes and their parkin’ lot is always full.  Goin’ in and outta one of these places is kinda like wanderin’ around a friggin’ “Y’all-Mart”.  Hell, all you need is a beverage or a bag of ice; but then, maybe a snack … or maybe some new road music, or, hmmm … maybe I’ll even get me one of them-there Yeti cups everyone’s been braggin’ about.  Before you know it, you end-up spendin’ almost $90.00, and that didn’t even include any friggin’ gas!  How in the Hell did that happen?  I don’t know, but I’d bought $75.00 worth of crap at that exact same Buc-ee’s the trip before!  I seem to remember that included more Texas road music CD’s and some t-shirts for my kids.  And then, there’s the Buc-ee’s Beaver Nuggets … OH, MY GOD!  My inner fat-kid is kept at bay unless it comes to Beaver Nuggets.  And if I really wanna binge, I’ll mix ‘em with a bag of Crunchy Cheetos.  Hey, don’t knock-it ‘til you try it, ‘cause it’s damn-near as good as a Lone Star Beer poured over a couple of scoops of Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream in a tall frosty mug!  The downfall of mixin’ Beaver Nuggets & Crunchy Cheetos (besides all the friggin’ calories) is gettin’ a mess of sticky nugget-shards and artificial cheese-dust on the black upholstery of my truck!  About the time that my sugar-high counter-balances the carb-crash is about the time I start to wonder, “Hmmm … I thought I’d just vacuumed them dang seats?”

     And then there’s road food.  I usually try to stick with somethin’ simple that I can eat while drivin’, such as a Whataburger with cheese & jalapenos.  This always seems to end-up drippin’ mustard down the front of my shirt or, of course, on my dang seats!  On this last trip to Oklahoma, I stopped at this place called Bigfoot’s Barbeque.  It was this ‘lil shack on the side of the road which had at least three big-rigs parked out front … so I figured the food just had to be good.  I walk in, and there’s this 7’ Chewbacca-lookin’ “Bigfoot” prop standin’ just past the entrance, and the TV was blarin’ on H2 with Giorgio Tsoukalos spoutin’-off about everything bein’ friggin’ “alien”.  So me bein’ the other weird Greek with effed-up hair, I sorta felt right at home … sat-right down and ordered me a full-rack of pork ribs with an ice-cold beer!  Actually, I wasn’t disappointed; that is … until I went to the men’s room to try and wash my hands.  The sink had tape across it, with a crude hand-written sign on the mirror that said, “Please use the sink in the Ladies Room” … and yes, I knocked first.  To my disappointment though, that sink looked backed-up as well.  As I paid, I reported this to the woman at the register, who quite frankly replied, “Yeah, I just saw that; but it kinda looked to me like someone had just gotten sick.”  I sh¡t you not, I won’t be goin’ back to that friggin’ place, no matter how good them dang ribs were!

Loggin' miles after my White River trip!
     Seriously, I estimated spendin’ at least another $100 per round-trip on food & drink while travelin’ … but that ain’t countin’ all the stuff you have to buy to eat while yer actually at yer destination!  I try to pre-cook the majority of all my meals a few days before and then freeze ‘em.  Blasphemy, you say?  Yeah, I like to grill-out myself, but there’s a big difference between grillin’ while chillin’ at Caddo Lake than there is while tryin’ to hunt in Area X.  Out there, your need to sustain is usually immediate, and then it’s back to business; I’d rather heat & eat than spend valuable time preppin’ & cookin’.  On top of that, it’s kinda hard to observe or watch yer dang back if you have to concentrate on cookin’.  I guesstimate I spent just under $150 on food for each week that I had spent in Area X … includin’ all the ice, water, coffee and Gatorade.  But then, there are your essentials, such as propane, batteries and back-up batteries for fans, flash-lights, etc., bug repellent, toiletries & hygiene products, specialty ammunition, clothes & gear.  If I added it all up here, I might as well start diggin’ a friggin’ hole, ‘cause my beautiful bride reads this blog as well, even though she won’t admit it …

     In retrospect, it’s been an expensive year for me so far … so I may wanna watch my spendin’.  That is, unless it’s spendin’ more quality time with my wife, our family or friends as opposed to spendin’ any more of our hard-earned money road-trippin’.  It is pretty-dang expensive doin’ all the things I do … and my beautiful bride has told me on numerous occasions that I am an expensive habit!  I really do love that woman, but the final nail in my coffin will most probably be the new Cabela’s that’s been built less than 5 miles from our place.  I just cain’t imagine what-all sorts of new stuff I might possibly find in there; however, I am sure of one thing … and that is that any future visits there will most definitely be supervised.  Come to think about it, I’d simply be better off usin’ all the friggin’ gear I’ve already got  … and concentratin’ on spendin’ more time on some local waters or somewhere out there in them closer woods.  Hmmm … both The Sam Houston National Forest as well as The Big Thicket are not that far of a drive, and both are rumored to possibly harbor wood apes.  Truth.  Right?  As a matter of fact, David "Big Sexy" Riojas and I are fixin' to head out shortly.  No tellin' what-all has been flushed outta them bottoms with all this dang rain.  Hopefully, I'll be able to report back shortly; but 'til then, y'all have a Happy New Year!  Be safe, take care … and y’all come back now, ya hear?

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Huntin' ... Part 3

Those lush, thick Ouachita woods remind me of a tropical rain forest ...
     This is the third installment chroniclin’ my time spent in the North American Wood Ape Conservancy’s research area in the Ouachita Mountains of southeastern Oklahoma.  Again, these are just a few of the things that I personally experienced while there, and these were just from my first trip.  I would spend yet another week in late July to hunt the next full-moon ... but I’ll get around to that trip later.  As for now, I had left-off with me sittin’ in a cabin just before 6:00 A.M. and not the best state of mind.  I had just spent the past 3½ hours in a tree-stand, where I was s’posed to be the hunter for an animal that had basically turned the tables on me.  I had one of the most powerful big-game rifles cocked and tightly clutched while these animals were basically right under me, and I friggin’ blew-it.  I knew all along that these animals were real, even before it got way too friggin’ real while sittin’ up there in that tree.  That night was like a carnival ride; I was strapped-in and could not get off until the ride was over.  But this was why I was here; so now it was time for me to tighten-up, ‘cause losin’ it any further would just be too costly for everyone involved.  This is how it went down:

     After Alton recorded what happened, I felt something crawling across my left cheek.  I scratched and removed a large unfed tick, mashin’ it between my fingernails then grindin’ it into the floor.  Travis broke the silence and said that he was goin’ out on patrol, so I asked if I could go.  I thought to myself, Hell; you just got bucked-off so the best way to remedy the situation was to hurry-up & jump back on ... and I immediately asked to go along.  He agreed and said he wanted to do a very slow stalk, but for me to stay at least 20 to 30-yards behind him at all times, lookin’ in all directions.  I quickly crawled outta my tree-stand harness, guzzled a bottled-water … buckled my fanny-pack over my holster and waited for Travis to get well ahead of me.  No talkin’ and no noise, so it was goin’ to be a slow and quiet hunt as we headed west towards the creek.  I waited for Travis to get well ahead of me, then cocked the .45-70 … placin’ my index finger over the trigger-guard.  It was eerily quiet without the usual chorus of Carolina wrens or the hauntin’ serenade of a wood-thrush to break the silence.  The mornin’ mist hung low as we began our scout …

My vantage at trail's bend ... although it was much darker that mornin' on my stalk.
     After a hundred yards or so, the ATV trail made a bend to the right and then back to the left.  At that point, I briefly lost sight of Travis for a few minutes until I finally wound my way around the bend.  By the time that I got to the property gate at the creek, I was immediately overcome by a very strong “zoo smell”.  In my opinion, that meant that somethin’ was close.  I remembered thinkin’ to myself, Holy sh¡t! This animal just made its way between Travis and me, and neither one of us heard or saw it.  After crossin’ the creek, I finally caught up with Travis who, to me … had looked like he was motionin’ me to go to the right.  He stood there for a while, and then eventually proceeded to stalk to the left down the creek.  I headed to my right, along a trail that paralleled the base of the mountain.  I quietly walked through a shallow-water crossin’, pausin’ for a couple of minutes.  I was almost to the next shallow-water crossin’ when I heard somethin’ way off in the distance … ahead and above me to my right … possibly even up on the mountain.  What I heard was a faint but long yell, which sounded like someone screamin’, “Aaaaaahhh …” that seemed to continue for at least 30-seconds until it faded-out.  I could not even begin to explain what this was.  It sounded as if I were in a stadium and heard someone yell; However, due to echo I could not quite tell exactly where it had come from.

     At that exact moment, Travis radioed me … and I just about squirted a friggin’ grape!  The ear-bud was still in my front right breast pocket, but the sound startled me.  He asked where I was, and I whispered that I was headin’ towards the trail that went up the mountain.  He then asked, “Why?”  I responded that I thought that he had signaled me to go right; in which he responded, “Nope … I signaled you to stop.”  I asked where he was, and he said that he was along the creek headin’ to the cabin.  I asked if he had heard that yell, and he replied, “Nope … all I can hear is runnin’ water.”  He said that he was gonna follow the creek and then head-back to the cabin, so I told him that I would turn around and start the slow walk back.  At this point, I was probably about 300-yards away from the cabin, but was basically on my own.  Unlike hours earlier, at least now I could see ...

     I slowly made it to the gate within a few minutes, but smelled nothin’.  I started makin’ my way around the bend on the road when I noticed somethin’ standin’ in front of me.  Not 40-yards ahead was a solitary doe … just standin’ there eatin’ the grass growin’ between the ruts on the ATV trail.  We just stood there starin’ at each other, and she didn’t seem to even care that I was there.  She continued to feed, standin’ there chewin’ as her tail swished from side to side.  At that moment our silence was broken; I heard what was either a rock shift or a dull stick break off to my left, and that doe immediately looked to her right.  She immediately froze, puttin' one front hoof down two to three times in succession.  Her tail flashed and she bolted past me at a dead-run into the woods to my right!  My heart-rate accelerated as I stood there tryin’ to see what had startled her.  She didn't mind in the least that a man with a gun had just walked-up on her, but whatever it was that she saw caused her to flee for safer grounds!

My view into those thick woods from the trail ...
     I stood there for at least 5-7 minutes, but could see no movement nor hear anything further.  I continued my slow stalk back to the cabin where I saw Travis sittin’ there watin’ on me.  I asked him if he had smelled anything at the gate, to which he replied, no.  I elaborated about the yell/cry that I heard, and he said that he did not hear that, either.  Then I told him about the doe.  Tired, Travis said that he was goin’ to try and get some sleep and that I should do the same.  After he went into the cabin, I sat in front of my tent for a while to try and decompress.  I was too keyed-up from the events of the past several hours … so no matter how I tried, I could not sleep.  Alton finally came out of the cabin and told me to get some sleep as well.  I tried eatin’, thinkin’ I would carb-crash, but that didn’t happen, either.  I forced myself into the tent and lay down on the cot, but my mind was still racin’ so I tossed & turned for at least another hour.

     The rest of my teammates were now up and had gathered in front of my tent to discuss the previous events.  The wood-knock was definitely heard by all; however, Mason was the only one besides me that heard somethin’ smashin’ into the pile of rocks behind their tent.  I again told of what I experienced while sittin’ in my tree-stand, as well as what-all I had observed out on patrol.  I confessed to my teammates that I had failed; I had the perfect opportunity to possibly take one of these animals and I simply was not able to do it.  At that point … fear, anger and regret hit me all at once and I emotionally lost it.  I was both embarrassed & ashamed of myself, and don’t remember when I finally went into my tent to crash.  I evidentially dozed-off for a short while … gettin’ at least an hour-and-a-half’s worth of actual sleep.  I awoke sometime after noon, and we discussed our plans to go to out of the valley to get ice, water and check-in to folks via our cell-phones.  The plan was for me to drive, due to the fact that I had the largest vehicle, but more so because I needed to drive in and out to better learn those roads.  I had a few loose items that needed to be secured in the bed of my truck, such as the come-a-long, a chainsaw, extra fuel and tools, etc. but instead opted to leave them on the porch of the cabin.  We loaded our ice chests and containers for potable water, as well as a few bags of trash and headed-out.

Our Oklahoma road-block; was this simply a coincidence?
     Shortly after 2:00 P.M. we departed the valley; however, sometime after the second creek crossing, the trail was completely blocked by a large tree-fall.  I thought, how odd; Alton & I came in on Saturday, the women on Sunday and Travis on Monday … and now we mysteriously have a large tree over the road.  I suddenly remembered that I had left the chainsaw, bottle of bar-lube, fuel, tree-strap and come-a-long back at the cabin, but I did have 2 brand-new tow-straps under the back seat.  The tree was semi-rotted towards the base, but strangely it fell perfectly perpendicular across the road, which I felt was very suspect.  All of the trees on that particular side of the road had a slight lean down the mountainside; however, that tree mysteriously “fell” the opposite way.  I tried not to dwell on this, but it was what it was so I didn’t feel the need to stir-up any friggin’ drama by bringin’ it up.  After we hooked-up to it, I used my Chevy’s front tow-loops to pull the trunk in reverse to one side of the trail, and then it took all five of us to roll it to where my truck could finally pass.

     Shortly after we finally got about halfway to the highway, we all saw a very large turkey runnin’ down the gravel road just in front of my truck, and ended-up seein' a couple of roadrunners as well.  We finally made it to a gas station to get some food & ice.  While we decompressed … we each called friends & family and I made it a point to check the weather.  As per Weather Underground, storms with the high probability of rain would approach the followin’ evenin’ … and it was forecast to most likely rain through our departure on Friday.  We left “civilization” about 5:30 P.M. for the long, slow & bumpy ride back.   At a deeper creek crossin’ we stopped to refill our potable water, makin’ it back to camp about 7:00 P.M.  After we unloaded, I immediately went to the tree-stand and repositioned it … movin’ it to the left and about 2½’ higher up the tree.  Once bitten, twice shy; I was still unnerved from the previous night’s encounter.  After chow, I was told to get some sleep; however, I could not force myself to do so.   Alton made the call that I would not be gettin’ back into any tree-stand that night.  Disappointed with my head still spinnin’ … I remember bein’ awake in my tent ‘til well after midnight; but then, I don’t really remember much more until later that mornin’.

A deeper spot in the creek to the right of the frame made a nice 8' x 10' impromptu bath tub, complete with seating.
     I had first awoke at 7:00 A.M., dozed on and off ‘til 9:00 and didn’t wake again ‘til almost 11:00.  Travis and I went to the creek to bathe.  As soon as we got there, I sh¡t y’all not … there was a distant but very distinct wood-knock off to the east.  Obviously, these friggin’ animals had eyes on us the entire time we were there, watchin’ our every move.  Everything else that day was uneventful.  Alton and Graham went out to still-hunt while Travis went out on patrol, makin’ lots of noise, dischargin’ his sidearm and yellin’ loudly.  I opted for a quieter approach, slowly strollin’ back into the woods to where we had bathed earlier at the creek, and sat on a boulder for the next 2½ hours.  Via my radio, I learned that Travis would be sittin’ on the side of the mountain, about halfway back on my walk to the cabin.  I did not see him upon my return, but he said that he had watched me stalk past.  When Travis and Alton finally returned, Travis sighted-in 2 of the .45-70’s … and then we all sat in the front of my tent from chow until we would retire for the evenin’.  Knowin’ of the approachin’ rain, I had pre-packed as much of my gear as possible.  Everyone had said that I’d probably get more sleep if I stayed in the cabin, but stubbornly I wanted to be in my tent for my last night there.  My mistake …

My rock huntin' perch between the creek and the mountain ...
this spot didn't offer much cover, but gave a panoramic view.
     I had my Olympus recorder on, sittin’ on top of a storage bin in the middle of my tent when I heard what I thought was a rock hittin’ tin on the top of the cabin around 10:00 P.M.  Upon reviewin’ this recordin’ … you could plainly hear me yell, “Now, that was a f_#in’ rock.”  My teammates said otherwise, but due to the stress and sleep deprivation you could not have convinced me any other way.  My sudden burst of insubordination was obviously due to sleep deprivation, but I could do nothin’ about it at that point.  I was a wreck, and as far as everyone, includin’ myself was concerned it was time for me to get outta there.  It then started rainin’ like Hell, but by 1:00 A.M. it was friggin’ game-on again!  I began to hear movement all around me, but due to the rain … it was hard to pin-point exactly what was going on.  But even in that drivin’ rain, I could hear snorin’ comin’ from the cabin, meanin’ that everyone else was zoned-out.  At one point, I heard the approach of “splash, splash, splash, splash, splash, splash, splash” as ... in my opinion, somethin’ on two legs had just run past my tent.  It came from the east and ran west past the front of the cabin.  Shortly afterwards, I heard the same friggin’ thing, but this time from behind my tent … runnin’ from the east to the west behind the cabin.  Again I thought, how in the Hell could somethin’ do that in complete darkness … in hard rain … and not friggin’ trip over anything?

     But the most excitin’ activity for me to observe was yet to come.  Somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00 A.M., I started to hear that same loud breathin’ that I had heard directly under me while sittin’ in the tree-stand.  This time, however … it was between my friggin’ tent and the cabin … mere feet from my head!  Clutchin’ my cocked Henry with my .357 at my side, I knew better than to even attempt to fire any shots with my teammates sleepin’ just a few feet away.  As loud as the rain was poundin’ on my tent … I could distinctly hear this friggin’ animal breathin’ in and out.  I was paralyzed with fear, but at the same time abso-friggin’-lutely amazed that this was actually happenin’!  Either this animal was purposely jackin’ with me; or, because of all the noise from the drivin’ rain and the sounds of my teammates snorin’ … it did not think that I was awake or could hear it.  I nervously and repeatedly pressed the call button on my radio, but got no response from anyone in the cabin.  After what seemed like several minutes, I finally nutted-up and forced myself to sit straight up on my cot.  Although I never heard any movement outside … the breathin’ immediately stopped.  I got off of the cot and sat in a camp chair in the middle of my tent.  I was facin’ the rear of the tent when suddenly somethin’ was flung … either water or mud, very forcibly across the back wall of the tent.  I actually saw the moment of impact; the whole back wall of the tent moved almost 1½’ inwards!  Needless to say, I did not get any sleep after that.

L to R; NAWAC investigators Shannon Graham,
Alton Higgins, Shannon Mason, Travis Lawrence
and myself before our departure from Area X ...
     Except for the rain … I heard no other activity from my nocturnal visitors.  By first light, the rain was subsidin’ so I began breakin’ down my camp.  This was a very tedious process, because I was on-guard and constantly lookin’ in every direction with every trip to my truck.  I was the first team member to be completely packed-up and loaded and was ready to ex-fill before 9:00 A.M.  My early-bird reward was to be able to take an impromptu “bird-bath” with the remains of some potable water, and then dried-off and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt for my drive home.  Waiting for the others to depart, I stared through the drizzle at the mountain … still wonderin’ how these animals could navigate such steep, rocky terrain at night.  As I stood there, I prayed in solitude and thanked the Lord that everyone was safe, askin’ that He watch over us on our journeys home.  Selfishly though … I caught my self askin’ God if I could please just see one of these animals before I left.  Almost immediately I caught movement comin’ down the side of the mountain, and could see a brownish-gray figure emergin’ through the thick, wet, green vegetation.  I could hear nothin' as the animal moved down the steep incline and out of the cover of greenery.  Dumbfounded, I was only granted the sighting of a deer that made its way about 30-yards from me, hastily retreatin’ back up the mountain as soon as it caught sight of me.  I took that as a sign for me to count my blessings and to not ask for more, especially after I had just been given so much durin’ the past week.  I realized that I was blessed to experience things that most ordinary people would never get to experience.  We all safely departed shortly afterwards …

     While I estimate that I only got between 1½ to 1¾ hours of sleep the night before, I’d only stopped twice between Oklahoma and League City, Texas … arriving home by 7:15 P.M.  Once there, I unloaded and unpacked, fixed a Crown & Coke … shaved and finally took a long, much-needed hot shower.  After finishin’ my third cocktail, I was still wired from my trip.  Wide awake, I couched-it in front of the TV and was up ‘til at least 2:30 A.M. … only to be awakened before sun-rise on Fourth of July.  Our family had previous plans to join some good friends in Crystal Beach for food, fun & fireworks.  Thank God that my wife drove, even though I rarely sleep in a vehicle.  I would still not fall asleep until well after 1:30 A.M. or so that Sunday.  After everyone else had retired, I had found myself starin' at the moon through a cloudy night on the upstairs porch of that beach house.  The couch on that porch was deep, and a stiff gulf breeze kept the relentless skeeters at bay.  I again found myself awakened before sun-up … and my lack of sleep pattern continued on that track for the next week or so.

     Folks, this was the final installment of my first trip to a place the North American Wood Ape Conservancy calls “Area X”.  Again, I urge everyone to visit our Web site at http://www.woodape.org and read the NAWAC’s Ouachita Project Monograph … detailin’ several years of study performed by our members.  Remember, we ain’t sellin’ y’all nothin’.  Period.  No guided trips or “Bigfoot” related merchandise … no phishing, ads or pop-ups.  We all volunteer our time and personal finances to try and provide definitive proof of the existence of this yet undiscovered mystery primate.  Once that is finally accomplished, we will work just as diligently to fulfill our goal of protectin’ this species and its habitat.  Meanwhile, I’ll be postin’ what-all happened to me on my second trip in “X” … and to say that things got hairy that trip is a bit of an understatement!  Folks, let me clarify somethin’ here; this ain’t some exercise in creative writin’ …‘cept for maybe typin’ all this in “redneck-eze”.  Not in my wildest friggin’ dreams could I even begin to make any of this sh¡t up!  It has definitely taught me that there are things out there in this world that we don’t yet understand, and we shouldn’t take anything for granted.  Hell, this old man’s just been schooled, so remember … the truth is still out there!  Until next time, try and keep yer eyes & ears open while runnin’ ‘round out there in them woods.  Y’all come back now, ya hear?