Hi, y’all … the family and I had to
head to “the motherland” for a weddin’ in Jigger, Louisiana this past
weekend. Say, what? Y’all
ain’t never heard of Jigger? Well,
Jigger is just outside of Fort Necessity.
C’mon … really? Y’all ain’t never heard of Fort Necessity? It’s just a ways southeast of Monroe near the
Boeuf Wildlife Management Area. We were
actually just off of Turkey Creek, which was fittin’ … ‘cause a few of us was
hittin’ on a bottle of Turkey after that-there weddin’! Our families worked like dawgs to get
everything done, and thank God the weather held ‘til after the festivities were
over. Everyone kept in check, but the
only wild things that we couldn’t control were the skeeters. When you’re out partyin’ in the country with
them Louisiana skeeters … you might be a guest, but you’re always a host.
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"Mullet gets a ticket" ... notice the trooper's license plate!
My girlfriend (who is now my wife) took this in 1988 ... |
The trip up there started on a Friday
afternoon, so thank God we got outta Houston ‘fore rush hour started. I abso-friggin’-lutely detest drivin’ on I-10
… period. Even though I tend to have a
heavier right foot, folks was passin’ me like I was peddlin’ a dang bicycle! Once we exited I-10 to 165 North, the drive
was a less stressful, but then I had to watch my speed. Them Louisiana
cops love stoppin’ folks with Texas plates, especially when you get near the sprawlin’
“hamlet” of Woodworth. That place was
once designated as the speed-trap capitol, and I started havin’
flashbacks of the last three tickets that I’d accrued there. I set the
cruise control a hair below the speed limit ‘cause I’d figured that Rapides
Parish already had enough of my family’s money.
I was still doin’ below the speed limit just outside of Columbia (thank God) when a fox hauled-ass across
the road while tryin’ to inspect the underside of my Chevy! I think that I might’ve squirted a grape
tryin’ to avoid runnin’ over it, and my defensive drivin’ skills kinda woke-up
my wife and son …
The return drive was much more relaxin’ ‘cause I took a bunch of them scenic back-roads. Even though it was rainin’ … I didn’t have to
worry about heavy traffic or the congestion of them larger highways. Once we got outta the Fort Necessity
Recreational Area and drove through the Boeuf WMA, I headed south for the El
Camino East/West Corridor … which cuts through the Kisatchie National
Forest. My wife asked, “Why are you takin’ us down all these back-roads? Are you lookin’ for Bigfoot or somethin’?” I really wanted to answer, “Why, Hell yeah!” but decided to explain
to her that the scenic route would be safer due to the weather conditions, as
well as bein’ quite therapeutic. Suspicious
of my now apparent ulterior motives … she kept on fiddlin’ with the GPS on her
dang smart-phone. After our Google vs.
Bing discussion, she tried her hardest to get me to go this way and that, but I
had already planned-out my route a few weeks prior. I headed south to Natchitoches, and she
changed her tune when she started seein’ all the cute little antique stores and
bed & breakfasts they had there in old-town. Now that
was the kinda scenery that she was interested in.
It was rainin’ pretty steadily about the
time we got to Toledo Bend State Park, and it didn’t slack-up ‘til we was out
of the Sabine National Forest and were headin’ through the Angelina National Forest. We passed the Martin Dies Jr., State Park,
drove past the John H. Kirby State Forest and headed for the Big Thicket
National Preserve. It was at that point
that she and my son probably thought that I was trippin’ … especially when I
told them we were goin’ to drive down the Ghost Road. “Ghost
Road? What the Hell is the Ghost Road?”
my wife asked. My son exacerbated the
situation by chimin’ in with, “It’s
probably got somethin’ to do with Bigfoot!”
Really? Thanks allot bro! So I tried
to diffuse the situation by relayin’ the story of Bragg Road, otherwise known
as the Ghost Road. I explained to them
that this almost perfectly-straight, 8-mile long dirt road has thick trees growin’
real close on both sides which arc overhead, givin’ it the appearance of
drivin’ through a heavily-wooded tunnel.
I told them that for years, folks have claimed to see a floatin’ light
or glowin’ orb at night while travelin’ down that road. I further explained that, legend has it that
a railroad employee was decapitated in a horrible accident, and his headless
body roams Bragg Road at night, carryin’ a lantern lookin’ for his head … if
you believe that sort-of stuff.
Now, wait just a dang minute … seriously? Whoever come-up with that story must’ve really been trippin’! Just think about it … how in the Hell is a headless corpse goin’ to “look” for
anything? A headless horseman …
maybe; but that’s a different story. That I could comprehend, ‘cause the horse is
doin’ all the dang navigatin’! Chuckle-chuckle, y’all! So I elaborated on how the
light was probably just swamp gas; but immediately had to stop my son from
emittin’ any audible examples. I told
them most likely the ghost lights were just headlights from other vehicles. I dared-not mention the fact that there’s been
a considerable amount of “Bigfoot” sightin’s comin’ from that area, ‘cause I’d
never live it down! We took a short-cut just
past Village Mills and continued west onto County Road 1293 at Honey
Island. A couple of miles ahead we noticed
a heap of mud in the middle of the road, comin’ off a trail to our left that
you could’ve stuck a bulldozer in. I
warned my wife & son that if Bragg Road was in anywhere near that bad of
condition, we’d be findin’ us a different route home. My Chevy has 4WD, but I ain’t nearly as dumb
as I look!
In another mile or so headin’ west, we
found the north entrance to Bragg Road. It
was straight-up 6:00 p.m., and even though it wouldn’t be dark for another hour
and a half, it was quite gloomy due to the overcast sky and the thick
trees. We stopped, took some pictures
and read the Hardin County kiosk at the entrance. We noticed that even though it had rained
most of the day, the road actually looked fairly dry and passable. As we proceeded, we were horrified as to what
we saw all around us! Bragg Road was
lined with beer cans, bottles and discarded fast-food cups, bags and containers;
the amount of litter along both sides of the road and ditches was inexcusable. There were even beer cans and bottles stuck
on the tips of branches on of some of the trees. As beautiful as the rest of the scenery may
have been, the amount of trash both detracted and distracted our 8-mile excursion. We noticed that one kiosk had either been shot
or somethin’ had been thrown through it, was burned … and was spray-painted or
“tagged”. Really? I wish that I could
catch someone out there taggin’ in them woods.
I’ll guaran-damn-tee y’all that someone would have to be payin’ my bail
… ‘cause I’d be teachin’ them taggers physical dangers of “huffin’” that spray-paint
right then and there!
Why in the Hell do people feel the need to
litter or destroy our national treasures?
Are they trippin’? Have they lost
their friggin’ minds? Was there some
huge party out there, or some gatherin’ of gonads who didn’t know how to
friggin’ act? Had the Hardin County
folks just not made it out there to pick up trash lately? Or are those Hardin County workers on shut-down? Well, thanks to the current state of our government
(and/or the lack-thereof) or the misappropriation
of our tax-payer’s dollars (not) at
work … that may very much-well be the case.
Did y’all get all that? All of this makes me very sad.
Nope, I take that back; I’m not sad … I’m mad as Hell! I think people
that litter or vandalize need a good old-fashioned country ass-whippin’! If folks get caught litterin’ or vandalizin’…
to Hell with makin’ ‘em only pay a friggin’ fine; make ‘em get out there in the
Texas heat, trudge through the fire-ants, swat some skeeters and clean that
sh¡t up! Like I said, I’m originally
from Louisiana … and over there, we utilize “road crews” or “guests of the
state” for stuff like that. That’s how
to put your tax-payer’s dollars to work!
So, how’s that for a rant? See, I done got all worked-up again; my
little-man syndrome has kicked-in to overdrive and my ADD has got me off the
dang subject!
Well, until this point, things on our
little road-trip were pretty relaxed. Bragg
Road just ain’t what it used to be; the canopy was severely thinned-out from
Hurricane Rita … and then again by Hurricane Ike. But all that debris in the trees and the
trash on both sides of the road weren’t deposited by any storm. And I’m sure that any mystery bipeds that
lurk around out there in them woods ain’t the animals that’s been doin’ all that
dang the litterin’! Our family lives just
off of Clear Creek, which runs from the Friendswood/Pearland area all the way
to Clear Lake and eventually into Galveston Bay. Several years back, an old hog-huntin’ buddy
of mine organized an annual clean-up on the Creek … and they actually fill
entire barges full of debris! And our
neighbor is a restaurateur who caters this event for the locals who show-up in
droves to help-out. Hmmm, maybe that’s
what’s needed for Bragg Road. Hold an
annual event startin’ on one end of the road with a caravan of pickups &
trailers and have a party for the volunteers on the other end after it’s all
said & done. So I called a couple of
offices listed on the Hardin County Web site to see if any such event has ever
taken place, but so far … no one has returned my calls. If someone does get back with me, I’ll definitely
let y’all know.
Out there in them woods, leave only
footprints; in a boat, don’t throw-it … stow it. And, there ain’t s’posed to be nothin’ plastic
in leaf-litter! Our environment ain’t
goin’ to clean itself, so do your share to keep Texas wild. Maybe the next time someone’s out there
trippin’ … it ain’t goin’ to be on someone else’s trash. Y’all come back now, you hear?
