Yakin’ …

Yakin' down the White River outta Norfork, Arkansas last month; an annual trip that almost wasn't.  It was much needed R&R ... God is good!

     I didn’t think I’d be writin’ this-here entry, but I'd actually got the green-light pert-near last minute to go on my annual kayakin’ trip on the White River in northern Arkansas.  My partner in crime Ty Johnson and I were the token Texan’s (by locale, not by birth) who joined 20+ “Arkies” last month for a few days of fishin’, drinkin’ and much needed R&R at The Riverside Retreat just outside of Norfork, Arkansas.  This trip may be a last hurrah for some of us, and I was blessed to be able to attend.  A few of us are gettin’ a bit long in the tooth and some have acquired health issues; others of us have problems on the job or family responsibilities that have taken precedence on our yearly Hell raisin’.  But evidently, none of us could pass-up an excuse to get together & fish!  On top of that, our host for several years has put the place for sale, so who knows if we’ll be able to do this again next year.  It was do or die time; so this-here "standard redneck" chose to live it!  My job would just hafta wait ‘cause my ass was cashin’-in on some much needed PTO (Paid Time Off, not “pick the orifice” as some employers seem to do).

     I began this adventure at 8:45 P.M. on a mid-September Tuesday evenin’ for a 4+ hour drive to Plano to pick-up Ty.  Early Wednesday mornin’ … not tryin’ to beat the ambulance to the wreck, we cruised along at a good clip until we hit the Ozarks.  Trust me, when you see a sign that says, “Curve 15 MPH” you’d better not be doin’ any over … unless you want to literally make an impromptu trail down a friggin’ mountain!  During our journey we both discussed our work issues, but soon decided that the subject was a friggin’ mood killer ... other than the fact of bein' blessed that we were both currently employed.  We stopped here & there for gas & grub, and hit a few antique/junk shops to break-up the tedious drive … arrivin’ shortly before 6:00 P.M.  This year, I had made it a point to travel as light as possible … even though I’d brought all of the fixin’s for a 22-quart chicken, deer-sausage & egg gumbo.  Yeah, that’s right … I said eggs!  Don’t knock-it ‘til you try it; my cousin George Jones had taught me that lightly-forked hard-boiled eggs will soak-up all of the flavor of your gumbo.  On top-of that, I didn’t wanna test whether or not fresh Gulf seafood would keep safely on ice for a 12-hour+ friggin’ drive.  And NO, I don’t consider anything that comes from a friggin’ “Y’all-Mart” actual fresh seafood.  Period.  The only overkill were my coolers full of Lone Star Beer, which insured me that I wouldn’t be runnin’ out!  Them dang Arkies ain’t too keen on drinkin’ Lone Star.  Yeah, it’s a Texas thang, y’all; however, I’ve got ‘em likin’ the Robert Earl Keen and Pat Green music that I bring for the porch.  Oh, and a big thanks to Buzzard Mike’s son-in-law “Nick the Greek” for helpin’ out with the gumbo!  It’s a big task … so, thanks fer steppin’-up, Nick!  And, as usual … no one went hungry.

Rest & relaxation, with beautiful scenery around every bend. The ridge to the right is of particular interest to me ... read on for further details.

     The water was down this year, so I figured yakin’ would be less dangerous and I could actually concentrate on fishin’ and not dodgin’ rocks & trees.  Last year, that water was so friggin’ high that the 10-hour trip only took only 4½ hours!  Not much time to fish when you’re worried about tumpin’.  And yes, y’all … “tump” is a word here in the South.  Our host had told me last year that if I’d have tumped, my yak & gear would most probably not be retrievable.  He’d also said to look-out for submerged trees while tryin’ to swim to a shoreline … ‘cause even wearin’ a PFD (personal floatation device) I’d likely get hung-up and drown.  Well, Ty had never kayaked before, so I’d convinced him that this was some genuine bucket-list sh¡t and he abso-friggin’-lutely had to try it!  Keith Mathis and I would be on him like ducks on a June bug in case he had any “uh-oh’s” along the way, and we made dang-sure he wore a PFD as well.  Now, did I mention that beer was involved?  Even though I’ve joked about not (yet) bein’ able to get a BWI (boating while intoxicated) citation in a kayak, Ty and I are the most probable culprits for that friggin’ scenario; thank God that Keith don’t drink!

Keith Mathis (left) with Ty Jonson on his very first kayak trip; he did good & had fun, so maybe now he'll catch the bug & get a yak of his own!

The bluff just past the mouth of Goose Creek, which splits at Gather Hollow and becomes
Twin Creek.  Just north of here was a Class 3a report taken by Tal Branco back in 2002 ...

     Well, if you’ve actually read this much of this entry, some of y’all are probably wonderin’, what in the Hell does this redneck road-trip have anything to do with sloughstalkin’ or “Bigfoot”?  Well, lemme tell y’all that this-here area is prime wood-ape territory.  There ain’t that much difference between this terrain and that of the Ouachita’s … which are only a mere 150 or so miles away (as the crow flies).  And if you happen to visit the North American Wood Ape Conservancy’s Website, they have this great feature called “report explorer” which is an interactive map of actual reports taken by actual NAWAC investigators.  And if y’all click HERE you can read about a Class 3a encounter that happened in the fall of 1988 … less than 3 miles from our lodge!  So, last year when I told them Arkies about my personal experiences while in the Ouachita Mountains … only a couple of ‘em joked about it.  This year, I’d decided to do a nighttime hike through the woods … up and into a rock quarry that is off a rocky road close to the lodge owner’s property.  My main objective was to get remote and try to illicit a response to wood-knocks in that area.  So, here's how it went down ...

This rock quarry was about a fifteen-minute walk from the lodge; the elevation and seclusion captivated my curiosity enough to explore it ...

     A couple of them younger Arkies, Drew and Spencer nutted-up and joined me on my 11:00 P.M. hike.  Just hours prior, Drew and I had scouted the area shortly before dark, findin’ a trail on a ridge off to the right with a large dyin’ tree.  This looked like a good place to knock … and the sound would echo throughout the quarry and surroundin' woods.  I noted that not only would someone need 4wd to traverse the trail in, but also that the trail itself was overgrown and looked fairly unused for quite some time.  The full moon aided our navigation, and I remembered that both weeks I'd spent in the Ouachitas back in 2015 were full moons as well … with lots of activity.  I had a feelin’ that this full moon might be special, due to the rare lunar eclipse the night before.  The quarry was 300-400 yards long by a hundred yards or so wide.  I explained to them that once I knocked, it was imperative that no one talk or make any noise so we could listen closely for any possible response.  Well, we heard no responses or any other “monkey business”.  The woods were alive with the sounds of coons, frogs & other critters; but after I knocked … all of 'em shut-down for several minutes on both occasions.  After no responses, we traversed the steep, rocky and thickly-wooded terrain back to the lodge.  On the walk back, Spencer suddenly jumped when he heard what he thought was a low, loud growl!  Upon closer observation … it ended up bein’ the echo of distant thunder through the mountains to our west.  I kept waitin' for Buzzard Mike to jump out from the woods and try to scare someone, but evidently the talk of wood apes in the area kept him on the porch.  By the way, Buzzard Mike has had a huntin' lease in the Ouachitas for a few years.  In conversation, he'd claimed that he's both heard and seen some pretty strange things out there, but attributed them to people or pranksters.  After listenin' to my experiences, he'll now hafta think a bit more about these peculiar instances, and be a bit more observant while runnin' 'round out there in them woods!

Here are the remnants of my "basket of deplorables" on the mornin' of our departure.  What a great bunch of guys! Ty obviously wasn't sober
enough to put his shirt on correctly ... as Buzzard Mike (front right corner) duly noted!  I'd list everyone, but a few may still have warrants ...
chuckle-chuckle, comedy club! Seriously, these guys are a fun group to be around, and everyone had a blast. Hope to see ya'll again next year!

     I’ll try and pin Buzzard Mike down to post more details about what-all he's seen & heard on his lease at a later date.  Like I said, I didn’t even think I’d be able to write this entry or even go on this trip due to my work commitments.  And I just cain’t wait ‘til my next trip, which will be a chance to see my fellow NAWAC investigators and meet our new associate members in Oklahoma.  I’d be willin’ to bet that their experiences in the Ouachita’s this past summer will make my trip to the Ozarks seem pretty insignificant, but only where the wood ape experiences are concerned.  My time with them Arkies, however brief … was nothing short of awesome!  Many memories were shared, and as usual much fun was had.  Those boys will always remain in my thoughts and prayers, and hopefully, we shall all meet again next year; that is, if God’s willin’.  Take care and y’all come back now, ya hear?

Spendin’ …

Livin' large yakkin' the Ozarks last September ...

     Howdy y’all!  It sure was a busy year for me, and an expensive one at that!  I just got finished tallyin’-up all the road-trips I went on and realized how much I’d been spendin’!  Good Lord, for just the cost of my fuel alone, I was really thankful that gas prices were down.  I’ve been to Caddo Lake & back … twice … pullin’ a boat for a total of 1,100 miles; to the Ouachita Mountains and back … twice … for a total of 1,700 miles; and then went to the Ozarks and back for another 1,500 miles; and finally, to the Bowman Lodge for the NAWAC’s Annual Retreat for another 975 mile round-trip.  That comes to a total of 5,275 miles since May, which means spendin’ a minimum of 90 hours of time just drivin’ my truck.  Now, if I averaged about 15 miles per gallon, it means I must’ve been spent about $900 in fuel on just these 5 road-trips alone; and, that don’t even include all the extra crap I bought runnin’ in and outta gas stations!

     For example, here in Texas we got these huge super-stations named Buc-ee’s.  If you’ve ever passed one you’d definitely know, ‘cause everybody goes and their parkin’ lot is always full.  Goin’ in and outta one of these places is kinda like wanderin’ around a friggin’ “Y’all-Mart”.  Hell, all you need is a beverage or a bag of ice; but then, maybe a snack … or maybe some new road music, or, hmmm … maybe I’ll even get me one of them-there Yeti cups everyone’s been braggin’ about.  Before you know it, you end-up spendin’ almost $90.00, and that didn’t even include any friggin’ gas!  How in the Hell did that happen?  I don’t know, but I’d bought $75.00 worth of crap at that exact same Buc-ee’s the trip before!  I seem to remember that included more Texas road music CD’s and some t-shirts for my kids.  And then, there’s the Buc-ee’s Beaver Nuggets … OH, MY GOD!  My inner fat-kid is kept at bay unless it comes to Beaver Nuggets.  And if I really wanna binge, I’ll mix ‘em with a bag of Crunchy Cheetos.  Hey, don’t knock-it ‘til you try it, ‘cause it’s damn-near as good as a Lone Star Beer poured over a couple of scoops of Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream in a tall frosty mug!  The downfall of mixin’ Beaver Nuggets & Crunchy Cheetos (besides all the friggin’ calories) is gettin’ a mess of sticky nugget-shards and artificial cheese-dust on the black upholstery of my truck!  About the time that my sugar-high counter-balances the carb-crash is about the time I start to wonder, “Hmmm … I thought I’d just vacuumed them dang seats?”

     And then there’s road food.  I usually try to stick with somethin’ simple that I can eat while drivin’, such as a Whataburger with cheese & jalapenos.  This always seems to end-up drippin’ mustard down the front of my shirt or, of course, on my dang seats!  On this last trip to Oklahoma, I stopped at this place called Bigfoot’s Barbeque.  It was this ‘lil shack on the side of the road which had at least three big-rigs parked out front … so I figured the food just had to be good.  I walk in, and there’s this 7’ Chewbacca-lookin’ “Bigfoot” prop standin’ just past the entrance, and the TV was blarin’ on H2 with Giorgio Tsoukalos spoutin’-off about everything bein’ friggin’ “alien”.  So me bein’ the other weird Greek with effed-up hair, I sorta felt right at home … sat-right down and ordered me a full-rack of pork ribs with an ice-cold beer!  Actually, I wasn’t disappointed; that is … until I went to the men’s room to try and wash my hands.  The sink had tape across it, with a crude hand-written sign on the mirror that said, “Please use the sink in the Ladies Room” … and yes, I knocked first.  To my disappointment though, that sink looked backed-up as well.  As I paid, I reported this to the woman at the register, who quite frankly replied, “Yeah, I just saw that; but it kinda looked to me like someone had just gotten sick.”  I sh¡t you not, I won’t be goin’ back to that friggin’ place, no matter how good them dang ribs were!

Loggin' miles after my White River trip!

     Seriously, I estimated spendin’ at least another $100 per round-trip on food & drink while travelin’ … but that ain’t countin’ all the stuff you have to buy to eat while yer actually at yer destination!  I try to pre-cook the majority of all my meals a few days before and then freeze ‘em.  Blasphemy, you say?  Yeah, I like to grill-out myself, but there’s a big difference between grillin’ while chillin’ at Caddo Lake than there is while tryin’ to hunt in Area X.  Out there, your need to sustain is usually immediate, and then it’s back to business; I’d rather heat & eat than spend valuable time preppin’ & cookin’.  On top of that, it’s kinda hard to observe or watch yer dang back if you have to concentrate on cookin’.  I guesstimate I spent just under $150 on food for each week that I had spent in Area X … includin’ all the ice, water, coffee and Gatorade.  But then, there are your essentials, such as propane, batteries and back-up batteries for fans, flash-lights, etc., bug repellent, toiletries & hygiene products, specialty ammunition, clothes & gear.  If I added it all up here, I might as well start diggin’ a friggin’ hole, ‘cause my beautiful bride reads this blog as well, even though she won’t admit it …

     In retrospect, it’s been an expensive year for me so far … so I may wanna watch my spendin’.  That is, unless it’s spendin’ more quality time with my wife, our family or friends as opposed to spendin’ any more of our hard-earned money road-trippin’.  It is pretty-dang expensive doin’ all the things I do … and my beautiful bride has told me on numerous occasions that I am an expensive habit!  I really do love that woman, but the final nail in my coffin will most probably be the new Cabela’s that’s been built less than 5 miles from our place.  I just cain’t imagine what-all sorts of new stuff I might possibly find in there; however, I am sure of one thing … and that is that any future visits there will most definitely be supervised.  Come to think about it, I’d simply be better off usin’ all the friggin’ gear I’ve already got  … and concentratin’ on spendin’ more time on some local waters or somewhere out there in them closer woods.  Hmmm … both The Sam Houston National Forest as well as The Big Thicket are not that far of a drive, and both are rumored to possibly harbor wood apes.  Truth.  Right?  As a matter of fact, David "Big Sexy" Riojas and I are fixin' to head out shortly.  No tellin' what-all has been flushed outta them bottoms with all this dang rain.  Hopefully, I'll be able to report back shortly; but 'til then, y'all have a Happy New Year!  Be safe, take care … and y’all come back now, ya hear?

Floatin' ...



     Howdy-do! I just got back from a 1,500+ mile round-trip through one of the most beautiful places in America ... the Ozarks!  Three days of my week of vacation was spent drivin', while the other 3 was spent kickin' back with some friends and floatin' on the White River in Norfork, Arkansas.  What an awesome place, and what a cool buncha guys from Arkansas that I had the privilege to hang with!  This was their 15th year doin' this; I'd been invited for the last 3, but somethin' had always come up that prevented me from goin'.  Believe you me, if the good Lord allows ... I'll definitely be goin' with 'em again next year!

     If y'all recall my post back in May called Relaxin' ... I picked-up my buddy Ty in Plano, Texas and then headed to "Dad's" just outside of Conway, Arkansas.  After "Dad" (finally) got packed, we headed up one of the most twisted, scenic drives through the Ozarks to the Riverside Retreat, which is one of Chris & Carol Jackson's accommodations on the White River, about 5-miles downstream from Norfork. Our crew stayed at the Lodge, which had 6 bedrooms (with 2 bunks, a queen-sized bed and a full bathroom in each room) as well as 2 full kitchens, dining tables and living rooms with a very large adjoinin' front porch.

     Chris Jackson is a fishin' guide and also provided our group with the jet-drive rental boats which were awaitin' everyone at the ramp each day.  I opted to bring my kayak, which provided me with a much more personal experience on the river.  On the first day, I took the 5-mile trip from Norfork back to the lodge.  This allowed me to get the hang of things, and figure out where the trout were and what they was bitin' on.  The water was not really that swift, but was pretty-dang cold!  Paddlin' upstream was a chore, but it could be done.  I had even anchored my yak and wade-fished a couple of spots, which chilled me to the bone.  Bein' overcast with temps in the fifties, it took a hot shower that evenin' and a couple of bowls of steamin' hot gumbo just to warm me up ...

A swell buncha Arkies partyin' outside of Norfork ...

     I think every one of them Arkies enjoyed the gumbo, which I'd made on our first day there.  I was afraid that seafood wouldn't keep from southeast Texas all the way to northwest Arkansas, so I opted to make a 22-quart pork & venison sausage, chicken and egg gumbo.  That's right ... I put boiled eggs in it!  The trick is to boil the eggs in water with a half a bottle of Soy sauce added, and then after you peel the eggs ... fork 'em to the yolk and add 'em to the almost completely cooked gumbo.  Them boiled eggs soak-up the seasonin' and taste awesome!  You know you've made a good gumbo when nobody adds any seasonin' ... and that includes Tobasco; I came home with two unopened bottles.  I had also done a 17½ lb. oiless Cajun fried turkey which made great sandwiches. By the way ... my new nickname with that Arkansas group is "Gumbo" ...

     Most of the guys in that group all went to the University of Central Arkansas with my wife Lisa, and have kept-up with each other throughout the years.  All of 'em are die-hard outdoorsmen, and have hunted & fished with each other forever.  As most good ole' boys will do, we all ate & drank more than the average man shoulda that weekend!  But, with this many alpha personalities in one group, nobody got outta sorts or showed their ass.  And if anybody around there was hearin' banjos ... it definitely wasn't comin' from this bunch!  I fit right in and cain't wait to do the trip with this awesome bunch again!

     On the second day, I was dropped at Ship's Ferry by 9:00 A.M. where I floated 10-miles back to the Lodge.  Within' the first hour, I'd already caught and released several rainbow and brown trout.  All were small and all were caught chunkin' hardware.  I abso-friggin'-lutely refuse to be a bait-soaker, and probably cast a couple of thousand times throughout the entire day.  At one point, one of my released trout wasn't swimmin' too well.  As I paddled towards it to help it along, an eagle circled overhead lookin' for an easy meal.  One doesn't truly appreciate the size of one of these majestic raptors until it gets up-close & personal.  Before I could get my camera out, on & ready ... it was well outta range of gettin' a decent photo.  On another occasion, several geese were flyin' towards me while two eagles circled overhead.  But again, it was too late to get the friggin' camera. 

     I had packed my cooler with a 12-pack of beer, some Cokes, bottled waters and three very healthy Cajun fried turkey sandwiches.  Did I mention that I'd already had four beers before I'd ever left the Lodge?  Even though I'd purchased my out-of-state fishin' license and trout stamp ... I figured that I was pushin' boundaries with Arkansas Game & Fish as to whether I could actually get a BWI (Boating While Intoxicated) citation in a kayak.  I had borrowed a length of rope and some chain from Chris to drag from the kayak to slow it a bit.  At one point, I'd stood up to relieve myself while movin' along at a fairly decent clip, when that chain caught on some rocks and I severely doused my leg and foot while tryin' to keep my balance.  Talk about gettin' yer chain yanked; thank God none of the locals saw me doin' "fatrabatics" tryin' to stay in the friggin' yak!  I almost swamped tryin' to get the dang chain free, which helped rinse my accidental stream out of the yak.  Since I was already p¡ssed on, I'd have been really p¡ssed-off had I not had a bilge pump and a fishin' towel with me ...

     Cell service was sketchy at best out there, but close to sunset ... I got a call from Ty wonderin' where the Hell I was.  I explained to him that I was in my happy place, drankin' beers and catchin' fish!  He figured that I was okay, but Chris was concerned that one of his guests were amiss, and some of them Arkies was gettin' kind-of concerned as well.  Of course, I felt much safer out there than in most marshes or swamps; but I stowed my fishin' gear, put on my nav lights and made a hard, fast paddle to the ramp.  I arrived at the ramp right at dark, greeted by a few of the fellers.  Once back at the Lodge, I made a couple of 'em almost pee themselves tellin' 'em about my chain gettin' yanked.  We whooped-it up 'til after midnight and all was well after some much needed sleep.

     As usual, I was one of the first ones up ... made some coffee and started securin' my yak to the rack on top of my truck.  I had to get my gear packed first so the other two guys could get to their bags as I dropped 'em off.  As the other Arkies arose, we all chatted as we packed, cleaned the Lodge, said our goodbyes and then reluctantly hit the road.  On the way back, "Dad" got a call from Mark and his wife Dana to come have a look-see at their new property.  They lucked-in to a secure little spread on a bluff where they were fixin' to build a place to retire.  It was absolutely gorgeous and they are truly blessed; it just goes to show that good things do happen to good folks!  Me, Ty & "Dad" ... otherwise known as "G-Man" posed for a partin' shot before we hit the road.  I had 700+ miles to go before I got home; back to family, back to work and back to the daily grind.  But I'd spent quality time with good friends, met new friends and done me some floatin' ... which made that long drive worth while!

"Tres Amigos" will be together again at Caddo Lake next spring ...

 

Celebratin' ...

Married September 2nd, 1989; it's definitely been a "Labor" of love!

     Howdy, y’all; in a couple of days ... my wife and I will have officially been married for 25 years.  That’s right, a whole quarter of a century!  Over the years, we’ve purchased plenty of life insurance; matter of fact, the only reason I’m still breathin' & peckin’-out this-here blog is ‘cause she’s not yet opted to cash-in on my policies.  Opposites attract, and we truly are an odd couple.  I really think that we should’ve been considered for the Guinness Book of World Records, bein' that she’s from Arkansas and I’m from Louisiana and we didn’t get married ‘til we was well into our late twenties!  Chuckle-chuckle, y’all; but, seriously … that woman is way outta my league, and has kept me on the straight & narrow (as best as she could) since we first met.  Hell, I was on crutches with a broken femur and hobblin’ ‘round a 52’ Vagabond on a moonlight sail the night that we met.  And yes, the cause of my condition was one of the many, “Hey y’all, watch this!” moments in my life.  As she says, I’m just a work in progress, and she’s stuck with me through thick & thin ‘cause she don’t wanna hafta train another one.  And now that we're soon to be empty-nesters, that means just one thing to me … that I’m about to get my girlfriend back!

 

     Together we’ve had our ups & downs, raised two wonderful children and we have now reached the time in our lives where we can actually be together a lot more often.  And no, I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout “naked Tuesdays” either.  I’m talkin’ ‘bout hittin’ the road and seein’ as well as doin’ a lot more things together, as in road-trips, campin’, tourin’ and just bein’ out in the great outdoors.  I doubt seriously whether she’s goin’ to be doin’ any serious sloughstalkin’ with me, but I can see some day-hikes through The Big Thicket or campin’ trips to Caddo Lake and kayakin’ together in our immediate future.  That is … as long as I don’t mention the words “Bigfoot”, Caddo Critter, Fouke Monster, Wildman or Wood Ape; ‘cause unless she actually sees one for herself … this cryptoid done married a skeptoid!  I have tried so dang hard to explain to her that, yes … this is just an undiscovered animal; but, I might as well go pound sand ‘til she has sightin’ of her own.  Now, I wouldn’t ever put her in harm’s way just to prove a point, but it’s not likely she’ll ever see such an animal runnin’ ‘round here in town.

 

     My first goal to her "enlightenment process" will be met the first weekend in October; I'll be takin' her to a North American Wood Ape Conservancy event so she can meet some of the people I’ve been hangin’ with lately.  Not that they can do any better of a job tryin’ to convince her; but, mainly to show her that they are just every-day, normal, professional folks who happen to share a common goal.  These people are doctors, nurses and EMT’s; bankers, lawyers and accountants … as well as teachers, professors and field biologists who seriously dedicate a bunch of personal time & money to eventually once and for all scientifically document this mystery animal.  I feel confident that once she sees that the NAWAC is not comprised of a bunch of armchair researchers lookin’ to gain fame or fortune on some reality TV show ... she’ll finally understand what-all’s at stake, and why we choose to spend so much time in the grime.  This ain’t no good-ole boy's club … it’s a team; and I’d be willin’ to bet that once she experiences that first-hand, she may have more of an open mind to the task at hand.

 

Is this what they mean by, "through thick and thin ..."?

    I’m pretty-dang sure that she’d fit right in; she’s a worker as well as a seasoned camper, and she definitely ain’t afraid to get her hands dirty.  This woman once wrangled an entire troop of elementary school-aged Girl Scouts during a torrential rain storm on a camp-out one weekend … torrential as in at least a foot and a half of water per day!  Now, I don’t think that this was the trip that she stuck our 4x4 Suburban full of girls & gear in a muddy field.  Good, Lord … a buddy of mine had a wrecker service and was doin’ wheelies in his dually tow-truck tryin’ to get ‘em out!  But I really can’t recall a huntin’ or fishin’ buddy that can maneuver ‘round a camp site as well as my wife.  And a lot of times … she’ll run circles around my hapless ass!  I may be the one who packs-it up, packs-it in and packs-it out; but, as far as settin’ it up, organizin’ everything, runnin’ it and then breakin’-it down goes … I couldn’t ask for a better campin’ partner. Yeah, I truly believe she’s a good fit out there in them woods, and I am truly blessed!

 

     I’m sure we’ll be celebratin’ even more when we start gettin’ some trail time in, or go on some camp-outs with some friends.  I’m lookin’ forward to the good times and the great memories we’ll share out there in them woods; and who knows what-all we’ll see, hear and experience together.  Just like the last 25-years of our lives, I’m sure that whatever we do together will be an adventure.  I may be her tinkerin’ redneck comic relief, but she’s always been my solid ground no matter how wild things tend to get.  On top of that … that woman can cook!  Seriously; I ain’t fat due to drinkin’ beer alone.  Matter-of-fact, if you don’t go back for seconds at our place … you might just have somethin’ wrong goin’ on with ya.  I’ve been mowin’ down on her cookin’ since we met, and I ain’t had a bad meal yet!  And as some of y’all prob’ly might already know, I don’t tend to miss many meals …

 

 

     It’ been a really busy summer, and I really can’t wait for bow season … as well as duck season to start.  Fall fishin’ is always great, no matter whether I’m bustin’ bass, tuggin’ trout or wranglin’ reds.  And speakin’ of fishin’ … next time, I’ll be tellin’ y’all ‘bout my trip to norththwest Arkansas!  Y’all remember my buddy from just outside of Conway from my entry called, Karnack?  Well, I’ll be elaboratin’ a few more details about the Lone Star Army Ammunition Plant parkin’ lot incident.  He and his family have lived in southwest Arkansas for quite some time … so after spendin’ a few days with him and some of his posse, I’ll be sharin’.  It seems that the area truly has had a history of mystery biped happenin’s … prior to any drive-in movie hype.  Folks, I’m very woods-wise & slough-savvy, and can usually tell when someone is just funnin’, out-right lyin’ or when they are dead-friggin’ serious.  And as I had promised y’all early-on … I won’t ever be postin’ any bullsh¡t on this-here site.  Period.  The only kind of fabricatin’ I’ll ever post about here is … if I needed somethin’ special made or welded-up from my buddy in Uncertain.  So until next time, y’all be safe and take care out there!

Relaxin' ...

A week of kickin'-it on Caddo Lake; y'all
 remember ... home is where you make it.

     Howdy, y’all!  It’s been awhile, but I just got back from a week in the swamp with my beautiful bride and two other couples.  This was one of the most relaxin’ trips we’ve taken in quite some time; we had booked The Gallery at Spatterdock in Uncertain, Texas from Billy & Dottie Carter.  All I can say is that the property was absolutely gorgeous, and we were not disappointed with anything.  Billy & Dottie are wonderful hosts and longtime Uncertain residents; Billy is a fishin’ & swamp tour guide on Caddo Lake, and Dottie is a multi-talented artist who has done all of the decoratin’ for their properties, as well as the lanscapin’ & gardens.  If anyone is lookin’ for a quiet and remote escape, I would highly recommend checkin’ ‘em out at http://www.spatterdock.com/.  We were so impressed with the facilities and amenities that we’ve already booked the same place for a week next year!

 

Ty & "Dad" discussin' whatever at the Wangdoodle ...

     We had met with one couple from Plano, TX and another couple from just outside of Conway, AR who were all college friends of my wife from her University of Central Arkansas days.  We had no agenda other than to enjoy each other’s company with beautiful Caddo Lake as our backdrop.  On our second day there, I had divided us into two groups and ferried everyone for a couple of “swamp tours” via our bass boat.  The lake was quite peaceful durin’ the week with little or no boat traffic.  Each trip lasted about 2½ to 3 hours, and even after a heavy coatin’ of BullFrog SPF 40 … I had pretty much-well fried the tops of my legs & knees.  The temps were in the mid to high 70’s durin’ the day, but got down to as low as 38° each night.  The water level was back up and there was no sign of any giant salvinia … other than its rottin’ remnants in the back of Carter Lake.  Due to the large amounts of these submerged mounds of dead invasive, my engine clogged a few times and I had to abandon my original plan of motoring all the way into Back Lake.  Maybe sometimes, things happen for a reason ...

     There was no moon on this trip, which made my third excursion into the swamp a bit more challengin’.  I took three of our guests on an extended night trip through the swamps beginnin’ about 9:30 P.M. and we did not return until well after 1:00 A.M.  I was both shocked and amazed by the void of wildlife; no bugs, no frogs, no snakes, no coons, no gators, beavers, minx or nutria.  The only wildlife we had witnessed was a couple of bats which swooped through the beam of my remote-controlled GoLight.  Come to think of it, we didn’t even see or hear any barred owls until we returned to Spatterdock.  This was the first time in my 4+ years of swampin’ at night on Caddo that this had happened.  The cold-front most probably had somethin’ to do with it, but it was just downright eerie not seein’ or hearin’ any of the local critters.  I’d love to tell y’all that this may have been due to the possible presence of wood apes, but the overly-dramatic will play no role in this-here blog.  Period.

Dawn patrol! Now, this is what I call mornin' glory ... ain't it cool?

     Even the fishin’ was off for this time of year; and I mean way off!  This could have been in-part due to the overly-stocked bar that we had maintained back at The Gallery, but I’d rather blame it on the cold-front.  The lily pads were just now comin’ up, which was well overdue for late April.  Billy Carter had even said that the unusually cold and extended winter had thrown-off the largemouth bass spawn.  Them Caddo Lake bass were still on their beds and as tight-lipped as a picker on a prime patch of May haw.  On one of the last evenin’s we were there, I had fished alone in Turtle Shell right at sundown, which was one of my regular haunts.  I actually started to hear bullfrogs croakin’ in the distance; so I had thought, why not … I’ll just throw me a large top-water frog.  Hell, I actually got a few blow-ups on that lure, but they were all hittin’ short and not actually takin’ the bait.  The water was both glass-smooth and crystal-clear; as I reared back to make an extended cast … the water directly behind me exploded!  It sounded like someone had rolled a friggin’ bowlin’ ball off of my transom, as I had evidently spooked a very large bass hidin’ just under the ledge of vegetation linin’ that boat road.  Hopefully, she’ll still be lurkin’ ‘round there and hungry on my next trip!

Southern pride in historic downtown Jefferson ...

     On Wednesday, we all loaded-up into our truck and headed for historic Jefferson, Texas … which was only a 30-minute drive from Uncertain.  Upon arrival, only half of the town seemed to be open, as it was not quite “tourist season” yet.  And believe me, with my sunburnt knees blarin’ below the legs of my shorts, flip-flop cladded and wearin’ a t-shirt with my camera hangin’ ‘round my neck, I was the walkin’ epitome of a tourist!   Antiquin’ was hit or miss as maybe every third shop seemed to be open, and most of the museums were closed as well.  I scored a signed copy of Mitchel Whittington’s No Hope! The Story of the Great Red River Raft.  Some of y’all may remember Mitchel from the film, Southern Fried Bigfoot.  About noon, we found one of the best barbecue joints in Texas, Joseph’s Riverport Barbeque.  We were just fixin’ to mow-down on some ribs when one of our friends got some very devastating news; his mother had just passed from complications due to a surgery.  We tried to comfort our friend and his wife as best as we could, and returned to Uncertain to help them pack-up for their departure back to Arkansas.  Even though the drive back to The Gallery was brisk, the mood was somber.  Though our friends and their family had dodged the tornadoes that had plowed through their community just a couple of evenin’s before, life … as well as death still happens.  Our friends and their family will remain in our thoughts and prayers …

"Dad's" lost brew.

     The rest of our trip was spent by the remainin’ two couples just relaxin’.  Our friend from Conway had lost his lucky red Coleman can-cooler, which had blown off the dock while huggin’ an empty Miller Lite can two days prior.  I spied it from the dock … floatin’ on a bed of hyacinth between some bald cypress.  My plan had been to kayak over and get it for him, but due to their early departure, our “group kayak adventure” had never transpired.  I finally retrieved it for him on Thursday mornin’ after fishin’ … via our bass boat and reachin’ it with my trusty push-pole.  My wife and our other two friends from Plano were kickin’-it on the dock when I had returned.  We set the empty can still in its cooler in the middle of our table in effigy, and drank the rest of the day and evenin’ away.  Our other buddy’s wife had retired to The Gallery for an afternoon nap, and I fell asleep on the carpeted stern of our boat beneath the shade of a bald cypress while listenin’ to some Pink Floyd.  My wife and her friend stayed perched on the end of the dock roastin’ in the sun, and I listened to them reminiscin’ their college days as I drifted off.  Just before sunset, I had taken-off one last time for that evenin’ fish back in Turtle Shell.  Damn, that truly was a big bass … I just wish our friend from Conway could have been there with me to witness it.



Listenin' to some Floyd on Turtle Shell; G-man, wish you were here ...

     Friday mornin’ came way too friggin’ soon; even though our check-out was at noon, we were all packed & tidied-up well before 10:00 A.M., so we spent the remainder of our time together visitin’ on the front porch.  We said our goodbyes and departed for home.  This was the first time I had made that entire drive back home from Uncertain with no music.  As my wife read from her Kindle, we conversed from time to time, but our minds seemed to be elsewhere.  Thoughts of our responsibilities at home, the week of work we’d both missed, pickin’ up our boarded beagle Shiner and the anticipation of a school function we’d be attendin’ for the next two evenin’s for our son were all overshadowed by the thoughts of our friends in Arkansas.  I’m sure it would have been a lot more relaxin’ just knowin’ that they were okay, and we hoped they would soon be together with their family durin’ their time of grievin’ and spiritual need.

     Now that we’re back, I won’t be relaxin’ much anytime over the next month or so.  Our son will graduate from high school, and there is much to be done within the next few weeks.  Our house is in need of a good spring cleanin’, the garage needs some carpentry and a good paintin’, the trees & shrubs need prunin’, the gardens & flower beds need weedin’ as well as mulchin’ and I’ll need to finish another section of flagstone for our back patio prior to our son’s graduation party.  I’ll have to wait ‘til mid-June before I can even think of returnin’ to Caddo Lake to fish.  Hopefully, I can time that trip for a full-moon with some night-fishin’ and return for that monster-sized bass that I’d spooked back in Turtle Shell.  And maybe I can finally make it via paddlin’ my kayak to Back Lake and see if I can find any possible sign of wood apes.  Or better still, maybe I’ll just hit The Big Thicket for some sloughstalkin’ with a friend or two from the NAWAC.  Until then, I hope all is well with you & yours and maybe everyone else can do some relaxin’ … y’all take care!

Speedin' ...

     Howdy do!  Any of y'all out there got a lead foot?  I'm guilty.  I try my hardest to obey every letter of the law, but I just cain't seem to ease off that skinny little pedal on the right side of my floorboard.  Now, I ain't one of them idiots that do a buck-twenty just for the Hell of it, but I definitely drive speed limit (or just a hair above) the majority of the time.  My motto is; slower, lower life-forms keep right.  Period.  The left lane is for passin' only, and I ain't one of them people that feel the need to hog the left lane.  If you happen to come flyin' up my ass, I'll move over.  But if you're doin' slower than the flow of traffic in the left lane, you're not only pissin' me off but you're breakin' the law!

 

     I've had my share of speedin' tickets over the years, but I've mellowed in my old age.  I ain't one to try to beat the ambulance to the wreck, so to speak ... but I am guilty of speedin'.  However, the last 3 tickets I've had have all been warnin's, and all 3 of those were from DPS. That's right ... the Texas Department of Public Safety.  Now, don't get me wrong; I ain't braggin' 'cause they were warnin's.  Why, you may ask?  Probably 'cause I show some respect and some snap, and let these guys do their jobs.  Seriously, y'all ... if you get lit-up, it's for a good reason.  These folks are just doin' their jobs, so if you show 'em some respect and make it easy for 'em they just might cut you some slack.  And the state trooper that we encountered on our last road trip actually gave us a bonus ...

 



NAWAC Investigator Andy Stewart had never been to Uncertain, Texas or Fouke, Arkansas ... so off we went!

     A buddy of mine and fellow North American Wood Ape Conservancy member Andy Stewart were headin' to the NAWAC trainin' camp outside of Gilmer, Texas a few weeks back.  I had taken the day off, and had some business to take care of in Uncertain, Texas.  Andy had never been to Uncertain or to Caddo Lake, so I felt obliged to show him around.  Come to find out ... Andy had never been to Fouke, Arkansas either.  Really?  Well, Fouke was only an hour or so north of Uncertain, so off we went.  I took him through Doddridge and to Jonesville, where the original "monster" sightin's were first recorded in the 1930's & 40's.  After toolin' around on some backroads, I took him into Fouke.

 

     The Monster Mart has had one Hell of a facelift since the last time I was there (about 25-years ago) so I felt obliged to do the tourist-thing and have a look-see.  We walked around, took some pictures outside and then headed back to Texas towards Gilmer.  We were on a little one-lane comin', one-lane goin' hilly stretch of road in Cass County and I was lookin' at my directions.  Yeah, I got a Tom-Tom but I don't trust it ... and that woman's voice drives me friggin' nuts!  And yeah, I'm a techno-tard and would rather trust a map that ain't digital.  I had just topped a hill when I saw the state trooper on the left shoulder as he lit my hapless-ass up!

 

     I immediately put my right blinker on and pulled over ... put my hazards on, rolled my windows down, turned my vehicle off and put my hands on the wheel.  The trooper approached and immediately asked me for my driver license.  I replied, "For your protection as well as mine, I've got a loaded Beretta in my front right pocket, and a loaded .40 cal. in the center console.  Now ... I'm goin' to very slowly and carefully reach into my back right pocket ... in which there is also a pocket-knife, and slowly hand you my license."  Well ... after that ice-breaker, I handed him my concealed handgun license holder which also contains my driver license.

 

     The trooper held the black leather bi-fold with the gold-finished NRA medallion on the front and asked, "What's this?"  I replied, "It's my CHL holder ... open it; it contains both my driver license and my CHL in the same holder."  He opened it and said, "Cool ... this is neat! I've never seen one of these."  I explained that he could get one off of the NRA Web site for around twenty bucks.  He said, "Mr. Landrum, the reason I pulled you over is because you were speedin'."  I replied, "The speed limit is 60 mph." and then quickly asked him, "How fast was I goin'? 65?"  He said, "No sir, you were goin' a bit faster than that. Where y'all headed?"  I explained to him that I had left League City well before sun-up, picked up Andy in Porter and then we had stopped in Uncertain for a bit, went to check-out Fouke and were now headed to Gilmer to camp on some private property with friends.

 

     The trooper could plainly see all of our gear in the back of the cab, and said, "I'll be right back." and walked around to the back of the truck and started writin'.  I frowned at Andy and in my best Scooby-Doo impression cried, "Ruh-roh, Raggy! This trip just got expensive. Looks like I'm fixin' to get me a ticket!"  Andy tried to assure me I wasn't goin' that fast, but I was payin' more attention to my directions as well as the road ... and not my speedometer.  The trooper came back after a few minutes and said, "Mr. Landrum, I'm just goin' to give you a warnin', but you need to slow it down. And I just have to ask ... what's a guy from League City, Texas doin' goin' Uncertain, Texas, then goin' to Fouke, Arkansas and then goin' to Gilmer, Texas all in one day?  Are y'all some kind of Bigfoot investigators?"

 

     There was an immediate awkward silence ... but I kept my composure and replied, "Well, not in the respect you may be thinkin' of; and, definitely not as in the sorts of people you might've seen on TV ... runnin' around through the woods at night screamin' and bangin' on trees!" He chuckled as I immediately assured him that we were both just very interested in this animal, and were very curious as to what kind of critter it might be.  His demeanor went from smilin' to serious, and he then dropped a friggin' bomb on us.

 

     He said, "Mr. Landrum ... let me tell y'all what; I was trainin' a young huntin' dog one night in the Sulphur River Bottoms, and somethin' was followin' me through them woods. I would walk and it would walk; I would stop and it would stop. I would pick-up the pace and it would keep up with me. The dog was freakin'-out and it got to the point that I was trippin' over it, so I ended up pickin' it up and carryin' it.  I found a huntin' blind and sat in there 'til the sun come up.  Now, let me tell y'all what; I will go into a house or a trailer where I know a man has a gun ... but I will not go back in them bottoms. Period."

 

     The hair on my arms as well as the back of my neck was stickin' straight-up.  I looked at Andy, whose jaw had pretty-much well dropped, and then back at the trooper.  After an awkward silence, I thanked him for sharin' that with us, as well as the warnin'.  Actually, it wasn't awkward ... I pretty-much well felt kinda justified!  I shook the man's hand and then we departed.  As he walked away, I started-up the truck, put my blinker on and proceeded to Gilmer.  As the trooper disappeared after toppin' the next hill, I looked at Andy and said, "Holy shit! You just can't make that kinda stuff up!"  And immediately Andy replied, "That guy just validated the whole reason that we are headed to Gilmer!"  Kinda makes you think, don't it?  Could he have just been funnin' us?  I seriously doubt it, 'cause he was dead friggin' serious.  I'm just as serious tellin' about Our Encounter, 'cause there's definitely somethin' runnin' 'round out there in them woods!  Now ... y'all just think about that ... and, y'all come back now, you hear?

Learnin' ...

The Wood Ape and the old "silver-back" in Fouke ...
... sights seen this weekend on a remote roadside.

     Hi, y’all … I just got back from campin’ with a new bunch of friends.  In the past, I was used to doin’ all the plannin’ sortin’, packin’, scoutin’ and campin’ by myself and goin’ it alone … so this was a quite a learnin’ experience.  The last time I camped with folks other than my own family was for bass fishin’ … and I kinda felt sorry for the guys in our camp site.  I snore like a boar; so bad, as a matter-of-fact, that I’ve been threatened with an ass-whippin’ a few times.  I was just lucky that none of my fishin’ buds were related to John Wesley Hardin!  I went and bought me some of them Breathe-Right Strips and they must’ve worked, ‘cause I made it home unscathed and was able to peck-out this blog ...
 

     On Friday mornin' I had picked up my buddy Andy in Porter and we had us a 'lil road trip out to Caddo Lake in Uncertain, Texas and had visited with some of my friends.  Afterwards, I drove Andy through Doddridge, Arkansas, and then out to Jonesville ... which was the area where the original "Jonesville Monster" sightings occurred.  After toolin' around on some back roads, we ended-up in Fouke, Arkansas.  We did the tourist-thing and hit the Monster Mart to see what-all they had to show.  Then, we headed to our next destination which was on private property ... a secluded tree farm back in Upshur County, Texas.

     The area of our little campin’ trip was located just outside of Gilmer.  If I'd have driven straight to the tree farm, it would've taken the same amount of time as it takes for me to get to Uncertain; however, this trip was a lot less stressful not haulin’ a boat, a kayak and a week’s worth of provisions and fishin’ gear.  Once there, Andy and I were now part of someone else’s game plan … part of a team of individuals who have gathered to both teach and hone this group’s outdoor skills for future, more remote off-trail campin’.  Most of these folks are hard-core outdoor enthusiasts and go places that take hours of hikin’ to get to.  Travelin’ light, quiet and ever observing, these folks truly know what it’s like to do their time in the grime!  Finally, I seem to have met some folks who are the real deal and take bein’ out in the wild seriously.

Just a few of the members of the North American Wood Ape Conservancy during the Training Camp held this weekend.

     What sets this group apart from most is that they are part of a serious effort to once and for all get definitive proof of what’s really roamin’ ‘round out there in them woods.  That’s right; definitive proof of what some folks have been callin’ “Bigfoot”, Booger, Caddo Critter, Fouke Monster, Sasquatch, Skunk Ape, Wildman or now … the North American Wood Ape actually exists.  Serious field researchers who want to prove that this is a real animal and not some myth, misidentification or fabrication of over-active imaginations.  These are folks like myself who know that what they have witnessed is a real living animal, but don’t fully understand exactly what this animal is.  So, this was the first time for me to interact out in the field with like-minded individuals who are genuinely serious about this subject.  And if I am to become further involved with this group and its efforts, it was time I did some learnin’ …

     I’m not one of them folks who cain’t follow instructions, nor am I one not to follow through with what is asked of in specific situations.  But I am one of them folks who's been used to doin’ stuff on his own and figurin’ out stuff for himself.  Now, I am part of a team at my profession and have co-workers who depend on me to get the job done.  But out in the field, it’s a whole different type of teamwork.  One small mistake can put yourself as well as your team in jeopardy; whether it’s somethin’ as innocent as givin’ up your location, or somethin’ as serious as gettin’ someone hurt.  So now it was time for me to learn how this particular team works.  In time, I hope to be able to contribute my skills and/or abilities for the benefit of this team and its efforts; but for now, it was time for me to observe the team and do some learnin’ …

       What I was most impressed with was, that in this particular organization … not only was each individual organized, they all worked very proficiently as a team.  As the sayin’ goes … there ain’t no “I” in the word, “team” … so not only were we all there to learn ... we actually had a bit of fun in the process.  I'd love to elaborate, but it's been a long trip and I’m kinda shy on sleep … so I’ll have to continue with this entry at another time.  I’ve also been experiencin’ some health issues over the last month, and have an appointment/examination tomorrow afternoon.  And who knows what fresh Hell I’ll walk into back at the office?  I guess that’s why they call ‘em Mondays.  But I've learned that most Mondays aren't bad ... they're just challengin'!  Think about it.  So until next time, take care … and y’all come back now, you hear?